


Give me time

by emulikule



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, Friendship/Love, M/M, Minor Violence, Self-Sacrifice, Time Loop, Wish Fulfillment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-07-17
Packaged: 2018-02-06 15:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1862352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emulikule/pseuds/emulikule
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Please... Please don't let him die like this. I'll do anything! Anything just to stop this."</p>
<p>"Anything?"</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>One wrongly worded plea and a wish that could be considered a curse. If given another chance, would you try to look for happiness differently? For Killua happiness was the knowledge that Gon is safe and that was enough...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I guess I'm trying something new. I basically got talked into writing this by a friend and I actually did it. A few things I want to mention - Alluka and Pitou will be referred as females in this fic and basically this will be Killua centered. I'm really sorry for any OCC and I hope that the tags didn't put you off too much. This will contain some spoilers up to the Chairman Election arc.

**1**

 

_All I wanted was to save you..._

_Then why did it go so wrong?_

**|** |:

The faint rays of moonlight shone upon two small silhouettes as they slowly moved. A lifeless body hanging limply on the back of the other and silent footsteps, almost inaudible as the one walking tried to not make any unnecessary movements. A few clear drops and a cloudless sky.

"Just wait for a little longer... You'll be alright."

**|** |:

"It's too...late..?"

"There's nothing we can do. He's already gone."

"B-but he was still alive... He was still breathing! What do you mean it's too late?! It can't be... There's no way... He wouldn't die so easily. It's just a joke, right? He still hasn’t apologized to me, damnit! You’re just joking, right? Right..?"

_I failed..?_

_He's dead..?_

"Right..?"

**|** |:

A room filled with various sizes of dolls and a lone girl sitting in the midst of them. As the doors, which are barely ever opened, creak from their hinges another person enters the room and the girl's face colours with a sweet smile. "Big brother!" she happily exclaims and rises to her feet to give the other a hug. "I've missed you so much!"

"Hey, Alluka." the white haired boy gives a smile of his own. "I'm so sorry for leaving you here all alone."

"It's okay! I'm glad you're here! Oh, it smells just like big brother." the dark haired child nuzzles into the crook of her brother's neck before letting go and looking at him. "Big brother, will you die for me?"

"Yeah, sure." the white haired boy smiles as the girl raises her finger and his headless body falls down on the floor with a loud thump and she lets out a cordial laugh.

"Okay, okay, now wake up!"

A soft rustle and the headless body sits up as the head pops back from the boy's t-shirt.

"You're always so good at this! Let’s play Shiritori next!" the girl smiles from ear to ear.

"Okay."

**|** |:

"Big brother?"

"What is it, Alluka?"

"Why do you seem so sad?"

"I do?" the boy smiles cheekily. "Sorry, I shouldn't be making you worry."

"Could I... Could I ask why?" the dark haired girl tilts her head just a little as a curious, yet wary expression appears on her face.

"I'm not sure if you'll want to know." the blue eyed boy lowers his head just a little.

"I do! Maybe I can help you!"

"Well, there was a person really dear to your brother..." the taller boy says silently as he feels a lump forming in his throat. "And... And I wasn't able to protect him. I wasn't able to do anything in the end..." a small droplet rolls down his cheek and his eyes begin to sting so irritatingly.

"Big brother..?" the girl moves a little closer to the other, who visibly shrinks down where he's sitting on the floor, hugging his knees close to his chest.

"I couldn't do anything-" a choke interrupts the boy's sentence and he buries his face into his arms. "I was so useless."

"Killua." a similar yet different voice echoes through the room. "Would you like to make a wish?"

The white haired boy slowly raises his head and sees that doll-like face staring right at him, smiling and waiting for his answer. At that moment his mind goes completely blank as the boy feels more and more tears falling down his cheeks and breathing becomes slightly more difficult with every passing second. His mouth moves before his mind can understand what it's saying.

"Please... Please don't let him die like this. I'll do anything! Anything just to stop this."

"Anything?" the girl tilts her head.

_No, stop!_ His mind goes on alert. _That wasn't a command! You just asked Nanika for something!_

"W-wait! I didn't mean it like that!" the older boy tries to fervently wipe his tears. "I wasn't supposed to say it like that."

"Really? Well, if it's Killua, then maybe I could make an exception to the rules." the doll-like creature makes an even bigger smile. "Would you like that?"

"You can do that..?"

"Yep. But only because it's you."

The blue eyed boy hangs his head once more. _I've already messed up. I have to take what I can get._ "Then please... Please let me save Gon."

"Okay." the girl kneels down in front of him and the boy feels her hands wrapping around him in a warm embrace as a welcoming darkness starts engulfing him. All of the sounds die out and he feels so tired. His eyelids slowly close and the boy relaxes against the other before the darkness consumes everything entirely.

_Just wait a little more, Gon. I'll make sure that you'll be alright again._

_Just wait for me a little longer._

 

**2**

 

Killua woke up in his bed with a sudden jolt. _What the-_

_Did the wish come true?_

_Is Gon okay?_

The boy looked around his room and everything seemed the same except for a little calendar that he had. He knew that he hadn’t come back home in quite some time, but the boy was sure that he had removed it, since it didn’t matter to him anymore. So why was it there again?

The white head jumped out of his bed and stepped closer to inspect the calendar. Maybe someone from his family had put one up again, but if so, then why did it look exactly the same as he had remembered from a few years ago? When he finally saw it up close the blue eyed boy froze up.

The calendar was the very same one and it showed the date of the hunter’s exam that he had gone to. _Huh? But why?_

Killua then noticed from the corner of his eye that his reflection in the mirror looked a bit odd. The boy turned to get a better look and was taken aback by what he saw.

He looked younger.

He looked like he had a few years ago.

_Wait wait wait, this doesn’t make any sense. How did I get younger? Was it Nanika?_ A million thoughts started rushing through the boy’s head. I _s this how the wish turned out to be? Perhaps the only way to save Gon was to turn back time?_ Killua sat back on his bed to think.

There was a possibility that that had happened. It would explain the younger look and the weird date. _In that case, maybe this isn’t so bad? I can meet Gon again and I can prevent any stupid things that either one of us did._ The boy let out a happy sigh.

_I can still make everything right._

**|** |:

The day went exactly as Killua had remembered it – he tried to go to the exam, he was stopped by his mother and he got away just the same way as before. It was even kind of funny how everything repeated and yet he knew what was going to happen. The blue eyed boy found the exam place easily and yet he still got the same number plate – 99. Killua looked around the dark tunnel and saw the same faces as he had remembered, though this time he knew that Illumi was here too, but he didn’t show any reaction to that. It was probably for the best to act the same way as he had.

The time ticked by as he was greeted by a smiling Tonpa and offered to drink some juice. “Ah, really? Thank you so much, I was getting thirsty.” The boy smiled and chugged the can down. Just as he did that, the doors opened once again and Gon, Kurapika and Leorio entered the tunnel. _And this is my cue._

The bell rang and Satotz announced that the test would begin. Everyone started following him and soon the whole crowd was running. Killua decided that it was about time to try and approach Gon as he rode up to the boy on his skateboard. Leorio started going on how that was cheating and the white haired boy tried to remember what he had said before. Gon just kept looking at him with an interested expression and Killua finally jumped down from his skateboard.

“Hey, how old are you?” he tried to ask nonchalantly.

“I’m almost twelve.”

“Same as me.” The taller boy smiled as the other’s face lit up. “I’m Killua.”

“And I’m Gon!”

“And what’s your name, mister?” Killua looked at Leorio with a smirk.

“’Mister’? I’m not that old! I’m still a teenager!” the taller male exclaimed.

“Are you sure?!” Gon froze up looking completely taken aback.

“Argh, Gon, how could you even say that?” Leorio replied angrily.

_And everything is just the same._

**|** |:

The exam went smoothly and Killua didn’t interfere with mostly anything. He knew that everyone would still pass and only the last test was going to be something else.

_I’ll have to fight Illumi again, but this time I’ll make sure the outcome is different._ The white haired boy thought to himself just as the fourth test was over and everyone was starting to get questioned about their preferences for fighting.

Killua exited the room with Netero and went on to find Gon. The boy was standing before one of the windows and looking out of it at the passing scenery. “So how did it go?” The taller one asked as he stood near him.

“Ah, you’re the second one to ask.” Gon smiled back cheekily. “I got the tag, but it didn’t go as I had planned. I had followed Hisoka with those butterflies and I managed to steal his plate, but then I got mine stolen and somehow it all ended with Hisoka returning my tag and punching me because I wouldn’t take it from him.”

“Wow, that’s harsh.” Killua said in an amused tone. “Well, at least you passed it and you can surely return the favour to him one day.” He winked at the other.

The next day the final exam started and as everyone was surprised by the line-up, Killua was mentally preparing himself to face-off Illumi. He would let Pokkle win again and then wait for his brother‘s dramatic revelation of who he really is. This time the white haired boy wanted to win. He wanted to show Illumi that he wasn‘t just a puppet to be controlled.

Killua watched silently as Gon got beaten up by Hanzo, trying to calm down by telling himself that everything will work out fine. He watched as Leorio and Kurapika started losing their cool and this time he understood them better. _But Gon will be alright. He‘s tough._

Finally, his fight against Illumi came.

  
“It’s been a long time, Killua.” Illumi said as he took out the pins from his face and it reverted back to normal.

  
“It has.” Killua said simply as a sense of satisfaction came to him from seeing his brother slightly surprised by his lack of reaction. “Couldn’t wait for you to lose that disguise.”

  
“So you knew? Well, it doesn’t matter.” The taller brother kept his face expressionless. “Mom and Milluki told me you hit them. Mom was crying.”

  
“Of course a mother would cry!” came a shout from Leorio.

  
“From happiness.” Illumi continued. “Though she called me, because she still didn’t want you to become a hunter.”

  
“You can tell her that it’s none of her business what I want to do. I’ll become a hunter if I want to.” Killua answered sternly.

  
“That’s not the answer I was expecting. You seem to have changed quite a bit during the time we didn’t see each other.” The dark haired male put up his hand to his chin. “This isn’t really good. Was it the influence of that kid I’ve seen you hanging around?”

  
“It was my own decision and don’t rope Gon into this.” The white haired boy got a little angry.

  
“So Gon’s his name. It doesn’t matter anyway; you will leave or kill him sooner or later. There’s no such concept as friends to you.”

  
“We’re already friends.”

 

“Really?” Illumi looked genuinely surprised. “But we really can’t have that. Oh, I know! I’ll just have to kill him then.”

  
Killua felt the same dark aura that he had remembered from last time and his body froze up involuntarily. _Damn it, I forgot about the needle._ The boy tsk’ed and tried to calm himself down. He reached up to his forehead and struck his nails into it to retrieve the pin that his brother had planted. It stung a little, but the feeling of fear disappeared completely and the blue eyed boy let out a sigh of relief. “Don’t you dare go near him.” Killua whispered coldly as he slowly started approaching the taller one. The boy felt his killer instincts washing over him as his body moved on its own. His mind came to a realization that he was still a lot weaker than his brother, who had his back turned to him and was talking to the other participants about something that he didn’t register, but it was too late as he jumped with the intent to kill.

  
Illumi turned around at the last moment, taken completely by surprise since he obviously had not expected his brother to actually attack him and for a fraction of a second Killua felt a pang of pain coursing through his whole body. The boy fell down as everything around him started to blur.

  
“Killua! What were you doing?” he heard a panicked voice that sounded too similar to his brother’s, but that was ridiculous, he was never worried about him. “Damn, I acted on instinct.”

  
The surroundings started to fade out as the white haired boy laid limp on the ground. He could hear multiple panicked voices, but after a bit they all mixed into one inextricable sound. Footsteps surrounded him as the world sunk into deeper darkness.

  
_This wasn’t supposed to happen._

  
**3**

 

The world slowly came into view as the sleeping boy woke up and hazily opened his eyes. His head was hurting and everything looked blurry. Killua rose up from his bed trying to not make any sudden movements and just deeply breathed for a few moments with his eyes closed, waiting for the pain to go away. In a couple of minutes his head felt a lot clearer and the boy finally tried opening his eyes again. The room he was in didn't look familiar but it felt as if it was his own. The sun was rising and everything was dyed in a soft yellow light that was coming in through the window. _What just happened?_ The boy looked around. _I was fighting Illumi and then everything turned so dark. Where am I?_

_Did I...die?_

Then suddenly a rush of memories came into Killua's head. Snippets of various points in life that ‘this world's’ Killua had experienced, thoughts, emotions and expectations. It was all too much to take in at once, so the white haired boy tried to only focus on a few of the memories, the ones which seemed the most important.

He lived with his family in an average house and it seemed that none of them were assassins. There wasn't even this kind of job in this world, or at least it wasn't as popular. Everything here felt so simple.

Killua looked at his hands and tried to use his Nen, but nothing happened. Not even a tingle or sensation of having this kind of energy. _Does it mean Nen doesn't exist here?_

The boy stared at his hands for a few moments before snapping out of it. _Perhaps that's for the better... Maybe it'll be less dangerous here. Fewer possibilities to get injured or die. He silently thought to himself._ A few more memories came and this time all of them were filled with one face - Gon.

  
It looked like they had known each other since they were little because the ages varied from almost infancy to the one he was used to. But something didn't feel right. As though a faint feeling of worry and anxiety came with each memory of Gon's smiling face, but Killua couldn't pin-point what it was. Finally brushing it off the boy stood up from his bed and noticed a pile of clothes lying on the chair. It felt like he needed to put them on, so Killua didn't question his gut feeling and did so. It was only a simple white short-sleeved shirt and gray pants though his memories were filled with this outfit, so he either really liked it or it was necessary to wear it. The boy was leaning more to the latter possibility.

As he got ready, Killua decided to follow his instincts for the time being as his head was still not entirely clear. He let his body almost act automatically as he tried to organize his thoughts. When the white haired boy reached the kitchen he was greeted by a cheerful Alluka and was given a nod from Kalluto. There was food on the table so he ate without any questions and when Alluka asked if he was going to school the boy just slowly nodded, a little unsure if that was the right answer.

When he was done eating Killua stood up and was about to head out the door but Alluka stopped him. "Brother, you didn't take your bag with you. Wait a bit." the girl dashed out of the room and was back after a few moments carrying a dark blue bag which had a little butterfly keychain dangling from it. "Here." she smiled and extended her hands for Killua to take it.

"Thanks." the blue eyed boy gave a smile of his own and waved to Kalluto, who was still sitting at the table. "I'll be off then. See you later."

"Bye bye!" Alluka waved back enthusiastically.

Killua let his legs do the walking as he tried to take in his surroundings. All of the buildings were households and it seemed that the place wasn't extremely busy. Kind of relaxing. A thought came as the boy listened to the chirping birds and felt a warm breeze of wind. As he was walking down the road he saw a familiar mop of spiky hair and grinned to himself. He carefully approached the walking boy, leaned close to his left ear and blew out some air.

"Aah!" the dark haired boy jumped a little in surprise and turned around with one of his hands covering his ear. "Killua?" he looked at him with wide eyes before a smile appeared on his face. "Killua!"

"Nice to see you too." the white haired boy joined the other as they started walking again.

"You scared me there for a second." Gon let out a small laugh.

"Then the plan was a success." Killua winked at him.

**|** |:

Killua didn't need to worry about getting lost after that since Gon went everywhere with him. They had to sit through boring classes and Killua had to try his hardest not to fall asleep right there and then, but it seemed that Gon didn't have that problem as the boy snored away through half of the day and even though he looked peaceful, the taller boy just couldn't get rid of the feeling that something wasn't right as he watched his friend sleep on his folded arms.

When classes ended Gon was still sleeping, so Killua nudged him to get the boy up. The shorter one yawned and sleepily looked at him before making a silly grin.

"Sorry, did I fall asleep again?" he looked around the empty classroom.

"Yeah, but I didn't want to wake you up."

"I just wasn't feeling too energetic today. Maybe I should have taken more medicine." the hazel eyed boy mused as he stood up with a little wobble from his desk.

_Medicine?_ Killua looked at him worriedly, but didn't say anything to not raise suspicion. Perhaps this was the nagging feeling he was getting?

The two boys excited the school building and started heading back home, but Gon was walking a lot slower than usual.

"Are you all right?" Killua finally asked, not being able to contain himself.

"I'm fine." Gon gave him a smile, but it looked a little pained.

"No, you're not." the white head stated firmly and stopped in his tracks. "Let me help, I can carry you."

"Killua, you don't need to do th-" Gon didn't manage to finish his sentence as he suddenly fell to his knees clutching his chest.

"Gon!" Killua immediately kneeled down next to him. "Gon, what's happening?!"

"I-I can't...breathe." the other boy muttered with each word sounding as it was giving him pain.

"What should I do?" Killua asked, panic overtaking him. He didn't know too much about medical help and there weren't any people nearby. "Gon, what should I do?!" he repeated nervously as the shorter boy seemed to not hear him anymore.

Gon's body went completely limp as Killua was holding onto him and the boy sat still as shock overcame him. _No no no no no..._ He lifted his friend's face which seemed the same when he was sleeping. "No, please no..." he whispered feeling some kind of faintness washing over him too.

He couldn't do anything.

It happened so quickly.

He was useless.

Darkness started to blur his surroundings but Killua could only look at Gon's face as he felt a few tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Please tell me what I should do...”

  
**4**

 

A sudden jolt from the bed. To Killua it felt like he had just awoken from a horrible nightmare and the darkness in the room didn't help out either.

_Where am I? Is this a new world?_ The boy thought as he steadied himself in a bed that was far too big for one person. As he calmed down, he felt the memories rushing in - Gon had died and this was a new place.

"Argh!" Killua let out a desperate sound as he realized that he couldn't manage to help his friend again.

_Screw this, I'm going to find him as soon as possible._ The white haired boy jumped out of his bed and walked over to the door, but before he could pull down the handle, a new rush of memories came from this world. It seemed that this was again a similar world to the previous one and that his family was a rich one with over-protective issues, though it looked like he didn't have any siblings this time.

_Damn, they're going to catch me if I just stroll out of the room._ The boy clicked his tongue and turned to look around his room. The place was big and one of the walls had a huge window with a view of a tree right next to it, just asking for it to be opened and to be climbed down. _Well, if you insist._ Killua smirked to himself and unlocked it. A strong cold wind blew, but it didn't bother the boy as he climbed on the windowsill to look down. His room was on the second floor and the ground looked pretty far away, so he simply raised his head to lock his eyes with the tree, which was a few meters away. I can jump this easily. The boy steadied himself and leaped from the window but just as his feet were about to reach the nearest branch he felt that this body won't be able to make it. A sudden panic overcame the boy in the split second he felt that he was falling down as he still tried to reach out with his hands. Right after that everything went black.

**|** |:

"The nerve of that boy! How could he even think of doing this?"

"Well, he didn't only think of doing it - he did it."

"You know what I meant!"

A couple of voices came through the haziness as Killua could feel his head clearing up and his eyes slowly opening. He finally saw a blurry view of what looked like his mother and father standing right next to the bed he was laying in.

"Oh, Killu, you finally woke up!" his mother immediately turned to look at him. "How are you feeling, dear?"

_Like a thousand bucks._ "Fine, mom. My head's just aching a little and I feel some pain here and there. Maybe most of it in my leg."

"That's because you broke it." his father said simply.

Killua looked down and really, his right leg was covered in a cast.

"Honey, why did you even do that?" Kikyo asked in a worried tone.

"Because..." _I can't just tell them I'm looking for Gon. That'll sound ridiculous. I need to tell something believable._ "I can't take it anymore living here alone. I wanted to see what it’s like outside on my own." he blurted out.

Considering that his parents were too over-protective and barely ever let him out of the house's grounds helped him back up his response. He also spent most of his days alone in the house, so maybe... "I wanted to make a friend."

"A... friend?" His mother said after a long pause. "Why would you even need something like that?"

"He's a kid, it was bound to happen sooner or later." Silva said sternly.

"But he doesn't need things like that. He's perfectly happy here." Kikyo started going on, her words turning to undecipherable mumbles.

"If you don't let me, I'll just try to leave again as soon as I heal up." Killua stated coldly. He really didn't feel like wasting any more time here than needed.

"Leave..?" The woman froze up.

"Yes, I'll leave." the blue eyed boy repeated.

"Dear, we have to talk." Kikyo turned to Silva. "Outside."

As the man nodded, the two of them left the room with Killua's mother loudly shutting the door. The boy could hear muffled sounds of something resembling an argument and with a sigh he let his head down flop down on the pillow. This situation was quite inconvenient and having a broken leg would definitely slow down the search for Gon.

While Killua was musing over his chances of a quick recovery the bedroom door opened up and his parents entered the room. Kikyo looked annoyed, but composed enough as she stood next to her son's bed.

"Killu, I and your father talked over this 'wish' of yours and we decided that the best solution would be to get you a friend." she said while trying to keep a smile on her face though the boy merely raised a brow at that. "That way while you heal you'll have something to do and you won't be getting any more of those ridiculous ideas."

"So you will hire a person to pretend to be my friend?" Killua asked with a hint of annoyance in his tone.

"This person will spend their time with you and if you don't like them we'll get someone else. This is all we can offer for now." Silva answered before his wife could.

"All right. Even though I'm not completely content with this, I'll agree." the white haired boy said just to finish this weird conversation. Frankly, he didn't care that much about the person who would get roped into this as long as they wouldn't get in his way.

When Killua's parents left, the boy finally relaxed. He felt weaker than usual and he had a hunch that this body wouldn't heal as fast as he was used to. It seemed like this world just wanted to prolong his meeting with Gon as much as possible. He didn't know if the boy would be in the same town or even the same country as him. The only leads were his name and perhaps appearance, though Killua wasn't entirely sure if that one would stay the same.

_How am I even going to search for him?_

**|** |:

A few days passed after the incident and Killua spent all of his time lying in bed and thinking. A pleasant surprise was seeing Leorio as the house's doctor who came in to check over him. He didn't look any different, but the boy assumed that he was clearly older. The tall man cheerfully talked with him, asking various questions about how he felt and got irritated whenever Killua answered to them sarcastically. Just as Leorio was about to leave, another familiar face had appeared through the door. Kurapika came in with a tray in his hands and he looked like a proper butler. Killua didn't really say anything apart from ‘thanks for the food’, but the blonds’ expression softened with a smile as he exited the room with Leorio in tow, shouting about drinking his medicine responsibly.

Killua's mother had come in some time later saying that his new friend would be arriving shortly and she left the room as quickly as she had entered it. A few moments after that a knock came from the door as it creaked open and a head with spiky hair popped in through it. Soon the whole face appeared and a bright smile coloured it. Killua just stared as the boy closed the door and slowly approached his bed.

"Gon..?" he breathed out.

"Oh, so you already know my name?" the shorter boy looked a bit surprised. "Well, then we won't need any introductions, will we?" he gave another bright smile.

"Ah, right. My parents told me your name." Killua quickly composed himself with a small lie. "But they didn't tell me anything else."

"I came here not entirely sure what I was doing. It just sounded pretty interesting. Actually, I wanted to help my aunt with some of the living expenses and as I haven't made too many friends my age here I thought I could try this." Gon explained while flopping down on Killua's bed.

"So does it seem interesting? Entertaining a person who can't really move from his bed?" the white head teased.

" _You_ seem interesting." the hazel eyed boy answered simply.

"Don't say stuff like that on your first meeting." Killua turned away from the other quickly to hide a faint blush. Geez, it's just like him to act like this. The boy smiled softly as he turned back. "So what do you want to do?"

**|** |:

After a few months had passed Killua's leg was completely healed. At one time the white haired boy had woken up to Gon drawing something that resembled a butterfly on his cast and from that time he always slept with one eye open so as not to get any weird drawings.

At first the usual activities were various board and card games, movies and sometimes a game Gon would come up with that didn't involve too much moving from Killua's side. The time spent together was enjoyable, though the white haired boy couldn't wait till he got to leave the bed and finally teach Gon how to skateboard or to just play outside.

The garden was gigantic and Killua couldn't even see the end of it, so it kind of reminded him of his old home. As the boy silently stood there thinking if there was a possibility to ever go back to the place he had come from, he didn't notice Gon running up to him from behind and tackling him to the ground. The two of them rolled for a bit with Gon gleefully laughing until Killua managed to stop them.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" the white haired boy poked at the other's forehead with some force. "I just healed, remember?"

"Oh right, sorry." Gon smiled back at him as Killua just sighed in return.

The two boys eventually decided to explore Killua's garden and as the evening was drawing near they still hadn't seen all of it. Gon insisted that it was because Killua had decided to take a nap in one of the trees, but the other boy was firm on the point that it was Gon who took longer trying to fish in the lake.

"You also took a nap with me!" the blue eyed boy kept arguing.

"And you also tried to learn how to fish!" Gon stuck out his tongue.

"Fine, then we're both at fault." Killua gave in.

"Well, we have tomorrow to explore the rest of it, so it's not a big problem." the hazel eyed boy said as they approached the gate leading to the outside. Canaria was standing next to it and as Gon smiled to her, even she couldn't keep her face completely still. The boys had tried to convince her to join them, but the girl had firmly refused, saying that she had no right as a mere servant and that she couldn't leave her post, so in the end they had given up, though not without a promise to try next time.

As Gon waved goodbye and the gates closed, Killua turned to Canaria with a smile and gave her a wave of his own before heading back home. Goto greeted him at the door and Kurapika had brought him some food to his room, since he had missed dinner. It was still really weird seeing the blond as a butler who worked for him, but Killua tried to ignore it. At least Kurapika retained his old personality and scolded him for not eating on time. The taller male gave him a disapproving look before it changed into a smile.

"Did you have fun with Gon today?" a bit of an unexpected question came from him.

"Uhh, yeah." Killua looked up a little confused. The butlers never really inquired that much about Gon. Leorio was the only one who kept talking about him and whenever they happened to meet, the older man would always give Gon a ride on his shoulders or he would tell him something embarrassing about Killua. Hearing this from Kurapika was a first.

"I'm glad to hear that. Excuse me for saying this, but you always seemed so sad before you met him." the blond carefully said.

"I did?"

"Yes. It was quite hard to watch you sitting alone in your room and spending most of your days not even speaking to anyone. I'm not sure if you're supposed to know this, but the servants of your family had tried numerous times to convince your parents to lighten up their protection over you, though it failed every time." Kurapika gave a little sigh. "That reckless attempt to run away brought some unexpected results."

"I guess it did." Killua scratched the back of his head with a little laugh. "I did get to meet Gon after all."

"This is only an advice from a butler," the blond made a stern expression. "But please cherish your friendship with him. You two seem so happy together that I just can't imagine one without the other now. You should keep him as close as possible." Kurapika finished talking with a soft smile.

"Okay, I will." Killua nodded.

"Then I'm happy to hear that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must attend to a few other matters." the blond butler bowed a little and after giving one last smile left the room.

_I will look after him and protect him. That's the least I can do for now._

**|** |:

"Are you sure we won't get caught?"

"Pretty sure. Now follow me."

"I don't think I'd get in trouble, but you're a whole different situation."

"Gon, I only want to see the city." Killua rolled his eyes. "Can you imagine living your whole life here and never even once seeing it? It's not like I'm running away. Besides, you're here too. You can show me around."

"Can I show you my favourite places?" Gon's face lit up.

"That's what I'm hoping for." Killua winked before jumping off a tree and landing over the tall fence. This time there were no injuries and Gon followed in tow.

The two boys headed over to the main road and Killua kept trying to take in everything at once. A feeling from deep within kept telling him how amazing it was and the boy decided that it was his previous self talking, the one who was locked up his whole life, never seeing the outside world. Gon kept talking about various places and the white haired boy felt really content just listening to him and looking at the new sights.

The day soon turned into evening and despite feeling the wish to see more of the city, Killua dejectedly told Gon that it was time for him to go back. The dark haired boy offered to walk back with him to his house and the two of them headed down the darkening street.

Soon the lamp-posts started flickering on and the roads cleared away from the other people as they were nearing the more remote part of the city where Killua's family lived. The two boys kept chatting and didn't notice a group of four people standing in the middle of the street and blocking their way. Killua halted Gon and nodded for the other side of the sidewalk but as they were about to go there, one of the guys from the group spoke up.

"Hey, kids. What are you two doing out here so late?" he smirked at them as the other men also turned their attention to them.

"Just keep walking and don't talk." Killua whispered, trying to ignore the group.

"I was talking to you, fucker!" the guy grabbed him by the arm and yanked the boy back, making him lose his balance. Killua turned around with a glare, but before he could say anything one of the other guys grabbed Gon from the back.

"Now what rude brats we have here. Maybe we should teach them a lesson how to show respect?" the one who looked like the leader kept talking as he pulled out a knife. Killua's eyes widened instantly and he immediately let his instincts kick in as he kicked the weapon out of the guy's hand and turned to punch the one holding Gon. The group of thugs was taken by surprise by Killua's quick reaction and the boy managed to pull an equally shocked Gon out of his captor's hands.

"Are you okay?" The white haired boy asked putting his hands on his friend's shoulders.

"Uhum." Gon nodded and then froze up. "Killua! Behind y-"

Before the boy could finish Killua felt a sharp pain in his back and quickly turned to see the guy that he had kicked sneering at him. The others were already away and he was the only one left. Killua elbowed him one last time in the stomach before dropping down to his knees. The guy coughed and scurried away, leaving the two boys alone.

"Killua! What happened?" Gon dropped to his own knees to hold up the other boy.

"He still had a knife." Killua reached for his back and felt a warm liquid starting to cover it. He felt faintness washing over him and leaned more into Gon's arms. "Could you...Could you just hold me for a bit?" he said slowly, feeling more and more exhausted. "I only need to rest for a little... I'll be fine soon..."

"What are you talking about?! I need to get you help!" Gon started looking around frantically. "Where is everybody..? Do you have a phone?"

"There's no need, Gon... I'll be fine." Killua kept muttering. "Just please don't let go. It's a bit cold out here."

"In that case I'll just carry you. Your house isn't too far away. Just please, hang on until I get there." The dark haired boy carefully put the other on his back and started running.

"Gon..." Killua nuzzled his cheek into the shorter boy's shoulder.

_You feel so warm._


	2. Chapter 2

                                                                                                 **5**

This time Killua woke up on the ground, his back leaning on the mountainside. Right next to him Gon was sleeping and Bisky waved to him as he saw her sitting near them. _Oh, so this time it’s this place._ The boy looked down to his hands and saw that they were bandaged.

“So, Killua. Are you ready for today? It’s most likely that we’ll get attacked sometime soon.” The blonde simply asked.

“Yeah, I’m ready.” Killua looked back at Gon, who was still lying peacefully.

 **|** |:

The plan went smoothly as the blue eyed boy had remembered it, but somehow a slight feeling of uneasiness gnawed at him. Killua easily defeated his target and he was supposed to meet up with Bisky and wait for Gon to be finished too, but just as he was about to contact the woman at the last second the boy decided to check up on his friend.  _It won’t hurt to see if he’s alright. Last time he didn’t exactly stick to the plan and got severely injured._

The white head used ‘Magnetic force’ and was soon near the place where Gon was supposed to be fighting Genthru, but he wasn’t expecting to see the taller male holding his friend by his throat with a malicious smile on his face.  Gon was struggling and as the boy caught a glimpse of Killua he opened his mouth to say something, except he didn’t manage it as an explosion resounded through the air. The blue eyed boy covered himself and as the smoke faded out he saw Genthru throwing Gon’s limp body away. _No no no no NO!_

“GON!” the boy shouted at the top of his lungs as he felt cold anger spreading over him. His whole body started trembling from the emotion as he looked at the blond man who was laughing to himself. _It’s all your fault._

Everything went by in a blur as Killua felt his hands being covered in warm red liquid. Genthru was lying beneath him, coughing out blood and the boy just looked coldly at him. “It’s all your fault…”

 _Wait! I can still fix this!_ A sudden thought came to the blue eyed boy. _I can use ‘Breath of Archangel’ and heal Gon._ Killua smiled to himself, but as he stood up he felt his whole body becoming weak and he slumped down on the ground. The surroundings started to fade out into darkness and panic washed over the boy _. No, wait! I can fix this. I can heal him! He’s not dead!_ Killua desperately started pleading in his thoughts.

_I just need some time!_

**6**

It's cold. So cold.  
  
That's the first feeling Killua got as he woke up once more. The boy felt his whole body aching and as he looked over himself the sight wasn't one of the best ones. He was wearing a torn up shirt that perhaps once was white, but now it had been dirtied up so much that Killua couldn't tell anymore. His pants were also torn up and sordid just as the shirt and the right leg was missing half of it, so it looked like someone had tried to make the pants into shorts, but gave up halfway. He didn't have any shoes and as the boy looked over all of his body that wasn't covered in ragged clothing was bony and dirty.   
  
His surroundings were only what looked like debris and a place that was about to break down. Killua's fingers wandered to his face and he felt two lines of dried up tears on his cheeks. The boy tried to stand up and as he did all of his body felt as if he had been running for a week straight. Killua also felt a lot smaller as he stood up. _I think I'm about seven..._ He tried to recall any memories from this world, but everything was still vague.  
  
 _It's so cold_.  
  
 **|** |:  
  
As Killua's memories began to come back to him, the boy learned that this world was a dying one. The land was scarce, collapsed buildings covered the streets and there were practically no other people around except for a couple here and there who looked like they were on the verge of dying.   
  
His body was indeed younger and was quite weak and sickly, but Killua tried to ignore that as he tried to survive in this wasteland of a world. He wasn't sure of what had been the triggers for this kind of thing to happen to it as his memories wouldn't tell him that much. The boy only had one hope to keep living here and it was the possibility of finding Gon. That was the only thought that kept the white haired boy going as he looked from city to city and tried to live for one day more if only that meant finding him.  
  
Time kept passing as Killua desperately tried to avoid as much danger as possible, such as wild animals, falling scraps of buildings, the harshness of nature and human traffickers. Those were the hardest to slip away from, but Killua managed by with his previous knowledge from the other lives. Months had passed from his initial awakening and he had still yet to find any tracks of Gon. Soon those months turned into years, but the boy just kept going, searching everywhere that he hadn't before.  
  
 _I have to find him.  
  
I need to find him.  
  
I want to see him again..._  
  
One day Killua had wandered into another new city that he hadn't been to. The view looked the same as anywhere else though, piles of wreckage everywhere, some birds looking for food and a couple of people leaning against the still-standing walls. The blue eyed boy let out a small sigh as he approached the few people trying to ask them if they had seen anyone familiar to Gon. As always, the answers were only grunts and shrugs. At least they didn't attack him. Those were a few times he wouldn't have wanted to repeat.  
  
The day soon turned into an evening and Killua decided that he could call it quits for now. He did need to find a place to sleep, at least something that could protect him from the cold wind and the possibility of rain or animals. As the boy wandered, he finally found a decently looking building that perhaps might have been a housing for some kind of company. It still had most of its walls intact and a few of the rooms even had shreds of different kinds of materials lying around.   
  
 _Maybe someone's living here?_ A thought crossed the boy's mind, but he felt too tired to start debating on that. There had been numerous times when he had found places that had looked like someone had been living there, but no one had ever come to claim them. "Screw it, I'll just sleep here..." Killua murmured as he took one of the makeshift blankets and leaned against one of the corners. His mind quickly drifted away as sleep washed over his tired body.    
  
A pleasant dream came to him. Perhaps it was one of the memories he had retained from the time he had actually felt content, but the boy couldn't tell. He was with Gon, Kurapika and Leorio again and everything seemed so simple. Gon looked at him with a smile on his face.   
  
"Hey, Killua. Can I ask you something?"   
  
The white haired boy tried to answer but as he opened his mouth nothing came out.  
  
"Killua?" Gon tilted his head. "Hey..."  
  
The taller boy kept trying to answer, but he just couldn't form any words.  
  
"Hey... Hey!"  
  
Killua was jolted awake by someone shaking him and as he focused his eyes the same face he had been looking at in his dream was before him, though now it looked a lot dirtier and more annoyed.  
  
"What do you think you're doing here? This is my place and I wasn't aware I was sharing it." Gon said glaring at him.  
  
The white haired boy looked at him dumbfounded for a few moments as Gon looked him over. "I thought this space was free. I'm sorry." he quickly answered.  
  
"Well, it isn't exactly." the dark haired boy's eyes kept wandering over him. "But I'm not too unwilling to make an exception. How old are you?"  
  
"I think I'm nine. Not exactly sure." Killua answered honestly.  
  
"That's the same as me." Gon flopped down on the floor. "What's your name?"  
  
"Killua."  
  
"Killua, huh?" the shorter boy made a thoughtful expression. "I feel like it reminds me of something. Have we ever met?"   
  
 _More than you would think_. "I don't think so." the blue eyed boy said lowering his eyes. "Though I can't remember much. It seems that I have some sort of amnesia."  
  
"Well, anyway, I'm Gon." the hazel eyed boy extended his hand. "Would you want to team up with me?"  
  
"Team up with you?" Killua shook his hand with a questioning  look.  
  
"Yeah, join me in trying to survive. I like you, you seem like someone I could trust." Gon smiled for the first time and the taller boy grinned back.  
  
"Sure! I think we'll make the best team."  
  
"Okay, then I'll let you use my place." the dark haired boy said as he grabbed a few blankets himself. "We can both sleep here and look for food in the morning." he wrapped himself up and leaned against the wall a bit further away from where Killua had been resting. "Goodnight then."  
  
"Goodnight..." the blue eyed boy said softly with the darkness obscuring his smile. _And he immediately trusts me so much, even though I could easily betray that trust._ He closed his eyes.  
  
 _That's so much like Gon.  
_  
||:  
  
The night had been cold and Killua felt himself waking up a few times while shivering. The blankets weren't helping that much and he subconsciously moved towards Gon before stopping himself. He wasn't sure if the other would be fine with that, so the white haired boy just kept lying in the same place, trying to fall asleep again. A few minutes ticked by and Killua heard a rustle from where Gon was sleeping. The taller boy opened his eyes and saw that the other was moving closer to him. Gon also seemed awake and as he saw Killua's opened eyes he quickly stopped.  
  
"Umm, I was thinking maybe we could..." he mumbled.  
  
"Share body heat?" Killua finished for him.  
  
"Something like that. I'm not sure if it'll work, since I've never tried it before." the hazel eyed boy scratched his cheek with his index finger.  
  
"It will." the taller one assured him. "But it might be weird sleeping together with someone you just met."  
  
"I don't mind." Gon shook his head. "Do you?"  
  
"Not really." Killua tried to answer nonchalantly as hundreds of other answers rushed through his head. As he said that, Gon scooted over and sat down next to him, took the blanket that the white haired boy had been holding and spread both of theirs over them.  
  
"This way it'll be even warmer." he smiled and relaxed against Killua's shoulder. "Goodnight again, Killua."  
  
"Sleep well." the taller boy whispered as he draped his arm over the other to hold him closer.  
  
 **|** |:  
  
Living together with Gon made everything a lot easier. The nights weren't as cold anymore and sleeping was a lot more comfortable, since the two boys decided that sharing body heat was the best way to go through them. Even though not all nights were cold, it just seemed normal for them to fall asleep while leaning against each other or holding hands. To Killua it felt so natural and reassuring, knowing that Gon won't just disappear, since he always felt his warmth.  
  
On one of the warmer nights the hazel eyed boy offered Killua to go out in the evening, because he wanted to show him something. The other was a little confused as to why they couldn't go to that place during the day. Gon just smiled as he said it wouldn't work during daytime and grabbed the white head's hand to show him the way.  
  
The two of them walked together through the rubble, their hands still clasped, and after a while they exited the city's grounds.  
  
"Is it far away?" Killua asked looking over his shoulder at the city that was slowly shrinking in the distance.  
  
"We're almost there. Just a few more minutes." Gon cheerfully replied while swinging their hands and as he said that, the taller boy swore that he started to make out something resembling a cliff in the darkening view.  
  
As they approached their destination, Killua was finally completely sure that it was a small cliff that actually had some greenery growing on it. "But I thought the land was dead..." he said softly, still looking at the small trees and bushes.  
  
"I thought so too until I found this place." Gon answered with a little pride lacing his voice and he walked to the edge of the cliff. "Now look down." he waved his arm for Killua to come.  
  
The blue eyed boy stepped to where the other was standing and looked below the edge. A little lake was beneath them and the water was still enough for the surface to reflect the night-sky. The view was beautiful as Killua just silently stared in awe before looking back at Gon, who had a huge grin on his face. "Do you like it?" he asked hopefully.  
  
"Do I like it? Gon, this is amazing." the taller boy flopped down on the grass. "How did you even find it? I had never seen anything similar while I was traveling."  
  
"I just stumbled upon it. I wanted to show it to someone, but there wasn't anyone whom I could have trusted. And then you appeared..." Gon answered trailing off at the last sentence while looking at his knees. "You know, for as long as I can remember I had always been alone. I tried to survive on my own, but sometimes it just felt a bit pointless, I never knew for how long I could make it and doing everything alone was just...lonely. I guess I never did thank you for coming into my life." he turned back to Killua with a smile adoring his face and the other could have sworn he saw a faint blush in the darkness, but that was a lesser concern as Killua turned away feeling his own face heat up.  
  
"You idiot, there's no need to thank me... I was the same as you and I was the one who intruded upon your place. Is that a thing to thank for?" he mumbled.  
  
"Uhum." Gon nodded happily and scooted closer to Killua to rest his head on his shoulder. "Thank you for intruding."  
  
"...Idiot." the white haired boy looked back at Gon and after a few seconds both of them started laughing.  
  
After a while the laughter died out and an easy silence shrouded them. Both of the boys leaned back to lay on the ground and watch the night-sky.  
  
"They look so much brighter than I remember." Killua said softly without really thinking.  
  
"Really? Haven't they always looked like this?" Gon mused.  
  
"That's not exactly what I meant, well, it doesn't matter really." the white haired boy shook his head. He wouldn't tell Gon how the stars looked in other worlds. He didn't need to know.  
  
"Ah, did you see that?" the shorter boy pointed at the sky. "A shooting star~ You have to make a wish." he said in a sing-song voice.  
  
"I'm not too keen on making wishes..." Killua trailed off.  
  
"Come ooon." the dark haired boy started to whine. "Well, then can I ask you a question?" he made that puppy look of his.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"If you could be born again, who would you want to be?" Gon asked innocently as the other widened his eyes in surprise.  
  
 _Did he really just ask me that?_ "Uuh, I'm not sure... Who would you want to be?" Killua tried to avoid answering.  
  
"I would want to be myself again, so that I could meet you." the hazel eyed boy said happily.  
  
"Gon..." _You have no idea…_ "Yeah, me too." Killua whispered as a faint smile appeared on his face.  
  
"Then both of us have wishes." Gon chirped cheerfully.   
  
  
The time flew quickly as the two of them chatted away and after a while when Killua only heard silence beside him, the boy looked over at Gon to see him sleeping, curled up and one hand extended towards the other boy as a little white butterfly fluttered its wings on his shoulder.  The taller one let out a small laugh as he took his hand and leaned over him to place a soft kiss on his forehead.  
  
"Goodnight, Gon."  
  
 **|** |:  
  
Not all went well as Killua was soon to find out. One day Gon came down with a fever and the white haired boy started to panic. Normally a fever would just go away, but their immune systems were too weak here and there was no medicine anywhere. A mere cold could have meant death.  
  
The boy tried to take care of his sick friend as much as he could - bringing him fresh water from the lake and trying to find anything that could make sleeping more comfortable. He managed to even find a mattress that was still in a decent condition. Though it was a real strain to pull it back to their place, the ending result was great as Gon's body could relax significantly more and the makeshift blankets could actually be used as blankets now and not just a softening for the hard floor. There weren't any pillows though, so Killua usually just offered his lap when he wasn't running around trying to find anything that could help them. All he could do during the nights was to watch Gon sleep while gently stroking his head, as he had found out that by doing so the other would sleep soundly and not trash around from the fever-induced nightmares. The boy felt tired himself, but he just couldn't let himself fall asleep, since he needed to watch over his sick friend. After a few days his body finally gave out and the blue eyed boy felt himself passing out as he desperately tried to stay awake for Gon's sake.  
  
Killua woke up actually feeling rested and comfortable. He slowly opened his still sleep-ridden eyes and saw Gon's face right over his own, smiling at him.  
  
"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" he asked warmly as the taller boy realized that their positions were now reversed and he was lying on the other's lap.  
  
"Gon... Are you all right?" Killua asked, ignoring Gon's question, but he just couldn't manage to get himself to rise up as it felt so nice just laying like that.  
  
"Yeah, I'm all better now thanks to you." he got a cheerful answer to calm his mind. "Wanted to repay you a little." the dark haired boy hummed as he started playing with Killua's hair. "This felt really nice when you did it."  
  
The blue eyed boy let out a happy sigh at that. It really did feel nice when Gon did it and he felt himself falling back to sleep. "I'll only... take a few minutes..." he mumbled as he heard a soft laugh from the other.  
  
 **|** |:  
  
They managed to live by until they were fifteen. Each day came as a little surprise to Killua, since he had expected quite little from this world, yet he had gotten so much. Sometimes thoughts came to him if any other people he had known were alive and those days the white haired boy stayed a lot quieter. His only light right now was Gon and he had to protect him, this thought keeping him determined.  
  
A day came when the shorter boy offered them to explore more of the city to try and find anything useful. Killua had agreed, not thinking much about it, though a slight worried feeling crossed his mind, but he just brushed it off. Both of them traveled to a part of the city that they hadn't explored and the uneasy feeling just kept growing within the taller boy.  
  
"Hey, Gon. I think we should go back..."  
  
"Huh, why?" the dark haired boy looked back at him.  
  
"I... I just feel like something might go wrong. Let's come back here another day." Killua tried explaining.  
  
"Oh, okay then." Gon surprisingly quickly agreed as his eyes wandered upwards. "Hey, what do you think that is?" he pointed up.  
  
"Hu-" Killua was cut off by a sudden weight on him that made the boy fall on his knees. "What the hell?!" he tried to get out from beneath the heavy thing that appeared to be a net. _Oh no._ "Gon! Get away from here!" the struggling boy shouted in panic but the other was already at his side trying to help him out.   
  
"Don't worry, I'll help you." Gon said while trying to lift the net up.  
  
"No, you don't understand! It's them!" the blue eyed boy tried to desperately explain but a pair of hands were already grabbing Gon from behind and yanking him off.  
  
"Oh look what we have here. A couple of young boys." a raspy voice came from behind of Killua. "These will get us a wonderful payment."  
  
"Today just seems like our lucky day." the one holding Gon laughed out. "Come on, let’s put them with the others in the truck."  
  
The two men roughly pulled them up and carried the struggling boys over a few corners where a working car was parked. They opened the truck doors and threw them in a matter of seconds before closing it and plunging the boys' surroundings into darkness.  
  
"Killua!" the white haired boy heard near him. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Yeah. I just need to get out of this thing." he tugged at the strings while his eyes adjusted to the darkness.  
  
"So you got caught too?" a familiar voice came. "And it looks like you're just little kids."  
  
"You're also still pretty young." another familiar voice answered. "Come on, let's help them. It seems that one of them is stuck."  
  
"I was planning on doing that, Kurapika. You don't need to tell me."  
  
 _Kurapika? So the other must be-_  
  
"Just help the boy, Leorio."   
  
"Fine, fine." the other clicked his tongue.  
  
"Umm, did you get captured as well?" Gon asked a little unsure.  
  
"Yeah." Leorio answered as he started untangling Killua from the net. "Got a little careless and ended up here. Tried to tell this guy to run away, but he wouldn't listen."  
  
"Same here." the white haired boy hummed out.  
  
"That doesn't matter now. Our first priority is to get away from here." Kurapika said a little annoyed.  
  
 _The first time I see these two in forever and they still act the same._  
  
"I might have an idea." Killua said as he was finally free. "I might be able to unlock this door."  
  
"But the car is already moving. We can't just jump out of it." Leorio said a little concerned.  
  
"Well, I wasn't finished, old man."  
  
"Hey-"  
  
"I can also make a distraction for them to stop the truck and for us to get away."  
  
"Can you really do it, Killua?" Gon asked sounding unsure. "You won't do anything stupid like stay behind so that we can run?"  
  
"Of course not." the white haired boy laughed a bit. "I know you won't manage without me. Just wait a little, I'll see if I can open this." he stepped away from the others who were still somewhat skeptic of his actions. The white haired boy fiddled with the lock and found that it was quite an easy one. After a few minutes he heard a satisfying click. "I got it." he said calmly.  
  
"Seriously?!" Everyone exclaimed.   
  
"Yeah, but this was the easy part. Now you'll need to get ready and open up this door as soon as I tell you." Killua's expression turned serious. "Leorio, you'll do that and let Gon and Kurapika get out first, then you'll follow them and I'll be right behind you. Got it?"  
  
"R-right!" the tallest man shot up from where he was sitting.  
  
"Okay, then just wait for my signal." Killua said as he moved closer to where Leorio was standing and indicated the other to scoot down. "Listen, it might actually happen that I will need to stay behind for all of you to get away." he whispered to the other. "So if that happens I'm asking you to not let Gon turn back to me. All I need is for him to escape without hurting himself and there won't come anything good if he tries to help me." the boy looked at the taller man's eyes. "Can I ask you to do that?"  
  
Leorio looked down and stayed silent for a few moments before raising his head back up and nodding. "I really don't like it, but if you're asking me this I'll try to do my best."  
  
"Thank you." Killua breathed out. "That might not even happen, but just in case."  
  
"I understand."  
  
The white haired boy gave the other a smile before making a serious expression and turning away. He walked over to the wall that was separating them and the drivers and started banging on it as hard as he could. "HEY! I've got something important to tell you that might get you even more payment!"  
  
A muffled mumbling could be heard before a shout came back. "What the hell do you want?!"  
  
"I can tell you that there are plenty more kids from where we came from, but you won't hear the location if you don't stop the truck! I won't talk by yelling!"   
  
Another round of mumbling that sounded pretty aggressive and Killua felt the car slowing down. "Now!" he yelled to the others and Leorio quickly opened up the doors. Gon and Kurapika jumped out and the taller man followed in suit. Killua also ran through their confinement space before jumping himself and sprinting to the others. _I got lucky that they were stupid._ He smirked to himself as he turned around to see what their capturers were doing. One of them was running after them, but the other was standing next to the car and fiddling with something. A cold shiver ran through Killua as he realized that that something looked like a gun and that the man was already pointing it at him.  
  
"LEORIO!" the boy let out a shout before feeling the impact of a dart hitting him. It wasn't a bullet, so most likely the man had a tranquilizer gun.  
  
The tallest male immediately understood what Killua meant and as the boy fell down he saw him grabbing Gon, who had already managed to turn around in that split second, and he faintly heard his name being desperately called. He could have sworn he had seen tears on Leorio's face and Kurapika's surprised face alongside the trashing Gon, who was screaming something, but the boy couldn't hear it anymore as darkness washed over him.  
  
 **|** |:  
  
He woke up in a dark room completely alone. A metallic smell mixed with something repulsive lingered in the room and it was making Killua's stomach churn. The doors suddenly opened letting in harsh light that blinded the boy for a few moments.  
  
"So you think you were being smart?" the same raspy voice came as Killua heard two pairs of footsteps approaching him. "Huh?!" The boy felt a sharp kick to his already weak stomach and he curled up from the pain. "We might still go easy on you if you tell us where those other kids are."  
  
"Hah." the white haired boy breathed out painfully. "Did you really think I was telling the truth?" he let out a sarcastic laugh.  
  
"You little shit!" the other man yelled out as Killua felt another kick, this time to his chest and he let out an involuntary choke as the air left his lungs. "I don't even care about the payment, I'll be satisfied by beating the living shit out of you!" the man pulled him up by his hair and turned his face towards him. "I'll enjoy messing up this pretty face." he said as he swung at him.  
  
The pain was sharp and it felt so much rougher than Killua had ever known. It was probably because of his weak body, the boy thought as another punch landed on him. There was nothing he could do. His muscles were still asleep from the tranquilizer and after a while all he could feel was that metallic taste in his mouth and a buzzing in his ears. The boy felt his limp body being dropped on the cold floor as some mumbles came from the men who exited the room with a loud thud of the doors.  
  
 _I hope you're alright..._  
  
And again he felt so cold.

 

**7**

Killua woke up in his old room once again. Everything seemed the same to him as the boy stood up from his bed. He still thought that he could feel the pain from the previous world, but that was ridiculous.  
 _  
I should forget it. That was just another failure._ The white haired boy shook his head. _At least he got out safe. I hope..._  
  
He knows that it's still before the hunter exam. He was planning on getting away from home today and leaving for it. He would meet Gon there again. Something horrible would happen again. Either he or Gon would die again.  
  
 _Do I really want that? Every single time it's the same outcome..._ Killua paced around his room, not sure what to do anymore. _Perhaps... Perhaps it would be better if I don't meet him this time. Maybe then I won't bring him suffering..._  
  
 _We shouldn't meet._  
  
 **|** |:  
  
The exam day came and went by, but Killua stayed at home. After a while Illumi had come back with the news that he was now a hunter and that there had been a very interesting boy about Killua's age during the exam. The white haired boy tried to ignore the slight pang of pain in his chest as he feigned boredom at that.  
  
He started training in Nen by himself. It took a lot longer for him to master it, since this time there was no Wing to help with the faster chakra opening method and there was no way he would have asked anyone in his family for that, but now he had plenty of time. Killua still kept doing his assassin job to not raise suspicion, though now it felt even more repulsive.  
  
One day during his work he though he heard familiar voices. The town he was in was York Shin and just as the boy realized the mistake he had made he saw those three cheerful faces that he had tried to avoid.  
  
Gon, Kurapika and Leorio were walking down the street and animatedly talking about something with Gon jumping up and down as he was trying to make a point. All of them had smiles plastered on their faces as Killua just stood frozen in one place and looking at them.  
  
 _They seem so happy._ A single thought came to him.  
  
The three passed him without looking and the blue eyed boy turned around just as Gon walked by and automatically extended his hand towards him. "Go-" he cut himself off quickly, before he could say anything more and forced himself to look away.  
  
 _No. This is the way it should be. He's a lot happier without me. This is how it should have been._ He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists.  
  
 _So why do I feel empty?_  
  
 **|** |:  
  
The months turned into years as Killua kept on doing his job without objections. His Nen also grew and he could now easily manipulate electricity. His mother kept going on how amazingly he was growing up and even Illumi seemed proud, though Killua wasn't exactly sure if he was only imagining that. The white haired boy would sometimes see Gon during his work in different towns and places and he was always so cheerful. He looked so much happier than when Killua remembered. Everyone looked so happy.  
  
Then why didn't he feel the same?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little something; I just wanted to thank my best bro for drawing some fanart for this thing   
> http://yaboybokuto.tumblr.com/post/90196971128/hey-you-know-what-you-should-read-you-should-read  
> Again, you're the best~


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So little information this time. I based the schooling system in this chapter off the one that I had attended. Basically there are 12 years and kids start at about 6-7 years old and end being 18-19. Until the 9th grade (14-15yrs) kids share their classes with their classmates, but after that they have to choose different subjects and tend to separate. Some classes are still the same with your classmates, but usually you start interacting with people from different ones as they all mix up.

**8**

 

The brightly shining sun through the open window woke up the sleeping boy. He slowly opened his tired eyes to yet another different view. Another different room. Another different life and memories. Killua rose up on his bed to look around but quickly fell back realizing what must have happened.  
 _  
I didn't die, I'm sure of that. That only leaves one thing-_  
  
A pained sound escaped his mouth as the boy covered his eyes with his arm. He failed again. He made a stupid decision again. He couldn't do anything again...  
  
 _I let him die._  
  
He laid unmoving in his bed, covering his eyes from the far too bright rays of light and just breathed heavily. It was his fault again, because he stupidly decided to avoid Gon and when it mattered the most he wasn't there to protect him.  
  
 _I don't even know what happened to him._  
  
A gentle breeze came through the opened window and the transparent curtains fluttered in the wind. Killua could hear some birds chirping and the whole atmosphere seemed so relaxed and...happy? _What's there to be happy about? If this is how it ends even when I'm not with him then what can I even do? Maybe the best choice is to never let Gon out of my sight? I need to find him and make sure to protect him, no matter what cost._ _  
_  
The boy gritted his teeth, deeply inhaled and exhaled before rising up on his bed again. He looked around his room which seemed really average - not that big, but still plenty of space. There weren't many things, some necessary furniture, a few posters on the walls, a writing desk cluttered with chocolate wrappers and some in-depth models of various machines.  
  
After inspecting the room Killua stood up from his bed to check how he looked. His body seemed to be about twelve and he felt that he didn't have any dangerous illnesses. The boy's vague memories told him that this world was one of the less dangerous ones and that he had lived a pretty boring life. He didn't really have many people whom he could call friends, since it seemed that people thought of him as a weirdo because of his hair and snarky attitude.  
  
He still hadn't met Gon in this world.  
  
Killua eventually decided that he'd try to live his current life as he had before. Maybe he would meet Gon along the way, though he seriously felt that he wouldn't be able to wait for long since the events of the last world.   
  
The boy finally got ready and carefully headed out of his room and down the stairs to the first floor. His house also seemed pretty normal and he even felt a bit out of place. A nice smell was coming from the kitchen, so Killua decided to check it. To his surprise his mother was the one standing in it and preparing something.  
  
 _Now that's something you don't see every day._ A thought came to the white haired boy as he quietly approached his mother. _Maybe it's not actually her but some maid who looks alike?_  
  
Before he could come any closer the woman turned around and made a high sound. "Killua! Don't scare me like that! I know how you like to sneak up on people, but I don't need a heart attack first thing in the morning!" she gave him a stern look.  
  
"Ahh, sorry." The boy said a little dumbfounded. "I didn't mean to."  
  
"Well, it's okay. Anyway, have some breakfast and get ready for school." his mother said as she put down a plate on the table for him. "Illumi said that he wanted to walk with you today, so he's waiting in the living room."  
  
"Illumi?" Killua asked surprise washing over him.  
  
"Yes, Illumi. Your brother. Remember?" the woman said a little questioningly.  
  
"Yeah... It seems that I didn't sleep too well today. I feel a bit out of it." Killua scratched his head absent mindedly.  
  
"Oh dear, really? Maybe you should stay at home then if you're not feeling too well?"   
  
"No, I'm fine." the boy said trying to hide his surprise. The mother he knew wasn't this caring. Well, she was, but in her own way. This was something completely new. "Thanks for the food. I'll be going out now."  
  
"Take care." his mother said with a small smile.  
  
As Killua headed into the living room he saw Illumi sitting on the couch and texting on his phone. He looked to be about sixteen. As soon as the other noticed him, he put his phone in his pocket and stood up.  
  
"Good morning, Killu." Illumi said in his usual emotionless voice. _At_ _least this hasn't changed._ "Are you ready?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Then let’s go. Hisoka's already waiting." Illumi said as he headed out through the front door.  
  
 _Hisoka?! Oh god, I hope this won't get bad._ Killua silently prayed to himself as he followed his brother. Maybe it was a good thing that he was showing the way, since the newly awoken boy would have most likely gotten lost on his first day.  
  
"Ah, there he is." the older boy said and Killua followed his line of sight until he saw a red haired boy, who looked about the same age as Illumi, standing at the corner and waving to them.   
  
 _Wait, is that really him? He looks so different with his hair down and no makeup._ Killua's train of thought was quickly interrupted by the scene in front of him - Hisoka had one of his arms around Illumi's shoulders and his lips were on the other's cheek. _Seriously?! They're dating?_ The white haired boy watched in astonishment as Illumi shoved Hisoka away. They were saying something but Killua's mind just wasn't registering anything at that moment. The redhead then turned to him and gave one of those creepy smiles of his. _All right, that's definitely him._ Killua thought to himself and didn't even notice that he was being scooped up and put over the taller boy's shoulders.  
  
"H-hey! What do you think you're doing?" he yelped trying to hold on and not fall.  
  
"Hisoka." Illumi said in a cold tone.  
  
"Don't worry~ it's just some service." the red head said with an innocent smile.  
  
"Well I don't want it." the shortest boy opposed.  
  
"No can do~ I'll only put you down when we get to school." Hisoka said in a sing-song voice and smirked. Killua decided against struggling, since that could lead him to falling and he dejectedly stayed still on the other's shoulders.  
  
 _Damn, treating me like a little kid. I'm mentally older than this thing._ The white haired boy kept muttering all the way until they got to their goal. He was finally let down but not before a bunch of other kids saw him. He just glared at them, so that they would keep walking like nothing had happened.  
  
"Well, Killu, see you for now." Illumi nodded to him.  
  
"Bye bye." Hisoka waved and turned to follow the dark haired boy who was already walking away.  
  
 _This is just getting weirder and weirder_.  
  
Killua looked around his new surroundings. The school building was quite large and kids of all ages were swarming around. He slowly headed towards the place that his memories were telling him was his classroom and as he entered the room he saw a lot of unfamiliar yet known faces. Nobody seemed to care that much about him, so he just sat down in his seat, folded his arms on the table and laid his head on them. _I might as well get some more rest._  
  
The boy didn't manage to relax for long as the bell rang and his teacher came into the room. He heard everyone quieting down and a murmur spreading. The kids were whispering to their friends and Killua finally decided to look up from his desk and he was once more taken by surprise.   
  
It was Gon.  


Right next to the teacher a smiling Gon was standing and looking around the room excitedly. As the teacher was explaining something about the family condition and a change of work places Killua was just staring at the sight in front of him. He seriously hadn't expected to meet Gon this soon and he couldn't take his eyes off of him. It felt like if he did, the boy would disappear just like in the previous world. He had seen so little of him, so now his eyes were trying to take in as much as possible.  
  
Gon kept looking around the room and his eyes finally locked with Killua's. The two of them stared at each other for a bit until the teacher told Gon to take a seat where he wanted to. He nodded enthusiastically and almost skipped to a table next to Killua's.  
  
"Hi, I'm Gon!" he said with a huge smile. "What's your name?"  
  
"Killua." the white haired boy said with a smile also appearing on his face.  
  
"Wow, that sounds so cool!" Gon said in amazement. "Your hair also looks really awesome. Did you dye it?"  
  
"Nope, it's all natural." Killua said with a little smirk.  
  
"Really? That's even cooler." the dark haired boy giggled.  
  
"Just don't start fainting on me, okay?" the taller one grinned.  
  
"I'll try." Gon grinned back with all of his teeth showing.  
  
 **|** |:  
  
It seemed like they had known each other for forever and to Killua it was not far from the truth. The two of them hit it off immediately and talked freely about anything and everything. Killua wasn't exactly the most popular kid in school, though it looked like Gon got along with everyone, but he still preferred to spend almost all of his time with Killua. The white haired boy even caught himself sometimes thinking that maybe they were making up for all of the time they had lost before.  
  
One day, about a year after their first meeting, they got in a bit of trouble for playing a prank on their teacher. It wasn't anything big, just a little messing with their class' test papers, but they got found out and sent to detention after the lessons.   
  
"It's still worth the look on her face." Killua smirked with his arms folded behind his head as the two of them were walking to the classroom meant for detention.  
  
"It sure was." Gon smiled back and skipped the last few steps to the door before opening it and mockingly holding them open pretending to be a butler. "Please come in, young master Killua." he said in a cool tone.  
  
"Don't mind if I do." Killua responded happily and took hold of one of Gon's hands to drag him in the classroom too. Both of them stumbled through the doorway and started laughing at each other.  
  
"My my, it seems like these two are having a lot of fun~" a familiar voice came from the back of the room as Killua froze and turned towards it just to see Hisoka waving to them, but the more surprising thing was seeing Illumi sitting right next to him.  
  
"What the hell are you two doing here?" The white haired boy asked a bit scared of the answer. Gon was just looking surprised over his shoulder at the other people in the room.  
  
"We accidentally set fire to the chemistry lab." Illumi said in monotone.  
  
"You say accidentally, but we all know what really happened." Hisoka added in an amused voice.  
  
"Seriously? You blew up a classroom?" Gon asked looking really amazed.  
  
"Oh that would have been nice." The red head turned to the other sitting beside him. "Maybe we should try to accomplish that next time?"  
  
"It sounds pretty interesting, I'm in." Illumi clapped his hands.  
  
"Now look what you've done!" the white haired boy smacked the one beside him. "You gave them dangerous ideas."  
  
"Eheh..." Gon cheekily smiled rubbing his head.  
  
At that moment the classroom door opened and two people entered. A tall dark haired guy with glasses and a shorter blond one. _Leorio and Kurapika?_ They looked the same age as Killua remembered them.  
  
Kurapika walked behind the teacher's desk and turned to the rest of the room. Leorio stood awkwardly behind him, his eyes darting around. Kurapika cleared his throat to get everyone's attention. "Today we'll be here instead of the teacher, since he can't come and as a part of the student committee we volunteered to help out."  
  
"Volunteered? More like you forced me to come." Leorio mumbled beside him.  
  
"Quiet you, it's our duty to assist the teachers." Kurapika looked at him sternly.   
  
"How can you even talk to me like that? You know I'm your senior. You should show some respect." The taller male started rambling.  
  
"And in the student committee I have a higher post, so that makes me your senior." Kurapika glared back but composed himself after a few moments to look at the others. "So as this was a bit unexpected, tell us why you're here today."  
  
"Chemistry lesson gone wrong." Hisoka cooed.  
  
"Got caught after a prank." Killua said in a bored tone.  
  
"You make it sound so innocent, but either way you're still in need of punishment." The blond crossed his arms. "Might as well take out some papers and pens."  
  
"Ahhhh... But that's boring." Gon started whining. "Let’s do something more interesting! Maybe we'll get to know each other better."  
  
"I don't want to know these guys better." Killua nodded towards Hisoka and Illumi.  
  
"Come on, Killu. We need some more brother bonding time. I barely see you anymore after Gon came. Maybe we should deal with this problem?" Illumi turned to Gon with an unreadable expression as the other visibly shrunk under that look.  
  
"Don't you start with this again." Killua scoffed at his brother.  
  
"Again?" the long haired boy raised his brows.  
  
 _Ah, damnit! Messed up the time again._  
  
"I meant... Well..."  
  
"You always bother him when you think you're not getting enough alone time." Hisoka interrupted to Killua's relief. "He probably meant that."  
  
"Ah, is that so?" Illumi just looked at his brother. "I still think you're spending too much time with Gon. People usually aren't that attached to others unless they're family or lovers." he then suddenly widened his eyes and made a little 'o' shape with his mouth. "Oh, Killu, when were you going to tell?"  
  
"Tell you what?" a faint blush appeared on the white head's face. "You're the one making ridiculous assumptions."  
  
"Hey, what does he mean by that?" Gon looked curiously at Killua from a distance that really didn't help with the situation.   
  
"See? Already as close as Siamese twins." Hisoka dropped in his two cents as well.  
  
"Will you stop that?!" Killua was starting to get frustrated and Gon jumping around him and asking what they're talking about really wasn't helping.  
  
"Okay, okay. Everyone calm themselves." Kurapika clapped his hands. "I don't think now is a good time to start arguing on who's going out with who."  
  
"Like you're one to talk about love affairs." Leorio smirked at him.  
  
"Neither are you." the blond just folded his arms.  
  
"I'll have you know I've had plenty of girls!" the taller male snapped back.  
  
"And there's a reason why none of them lasted for long." Kurapika simply stated. "Anyway, we're getting side-tracked again."  
  
"Fine." Leorio turned to the class also. "But I agree with the little kid - writing is boring. Let’s do something more exciting. Might as well make this time entertaining."  
  
"Oh, oh!" Gon started jumping a little. "First you've got to tell us your names."   
  
"The name's Leorio and this stuck up guy beside me is Kurapika. I got roped into this by him even though it's my last year here and he's still got a few left. I mean, how does that even work? I should be the one ordering him around." Leorio started nodding to himself with a look of deep thought.  
  
"Because it's clear who's the more mature one of us." Kurapika glanced at him with a disapproving look.  
  
"Me next! I'm Gon and this is my best friend Killua." the shortest boy happily announced. "We're gonna spend the rest of our lives together!"  
  
"Oh, marriage proposals already?" Hisoka looked amused at them but before Killua could say anything he continued. "You can call me Hisoka, the one sitting next to me is Killua's bother Illumi."  
  
"So is this a family business or something?" Leorio looked from one brother to the other. "Getting in detention?"  
  
"Might as well be." Killua muttered to himself but Gon also heard it and smiled at the other boy.  
  
"So I think we should play something." The hazel eyed boy said. "People always get to know each other better through games."  
  
"I offer card games." Hisoka raised his arm. "I've got a deck with myself."  
  
"That's great, don't tell me, we're going to play strip poker or something?" Killua said jokingly.  
  
"A great idea. I wouldn't have said it better myself." the read head smiled at him.   
  
"I don't mind." Illumi agreed.  
  
"Wait, isn't it kind of boring with just guys?" Leorio tried to ask and turned to Kurapika for back up but Gon was already answering for them. "Okay, we're all gonna play!"  
  
 **|** |:  
  
About an hour later they were all sitting at a few tables combined into one and everyone had various degrees of clothing loss. Hisoka, Kurapika and Illumi had almost all of their clothing left, only a few accessories lying on the table next to them. Killua and Gon we're down to their undershirts and trousers and Leorio only had his underwear left. The oldest teen was already fuming and Gon and Killua were snickering at him, throwing in a comment now and then.  
  
As another round came to an end and it was once more Leorio's loss he quickly stood up from the table, smashing both of his arms on it. "That's it! I'm not playing anymore!"   
  
"Maybe that's for the best." Killua grinned.   
  
"Trust me, I've seen him clothe-less and it's a sight you don't want to know." Kurapika shuddered.  
  
"Uuuumm..."   
  
"It was an accident. At least from my side." the blond explained.  
  
"From your side?" Gon looked curiously.  
  
"We were on a little trip with the student committee and I got to room with him. All I can say is that he looked pretty happy strolling into the room from the shower completely naked."  
  
"I didn't think you'd freak out that much. Getting weird ideas and all." Leorio grumbled while trying to pull his pants back on.  
  
"Who wouldn't freak out?" Kurapika looked angrily at him.  
  
"Me." Hisoka intervened.  
  
"You don't count." Illumi simply said.  
  
"Sometimes I really wonder if those two are actually going out or if I just imagined everything." Killua whispered to Gon.  
  
"They just have a different way of showing it." the other boy shrugged.  
  
"I guess. Either that or Hisoka frequently kisses anyone whom he finds mildly interesting."  
  
"Either that." Gon said as he put his shirt back on.  
  
Leorio finally got dressed and turned to everyone. "Well, this was still pretty fun. Not a bad thing to get to know interesting people, though that said I should be going. Maybe we'll see each other some more?"  
  
"Definitely." Gon enthusiastically started waving to him as the glassed male opened the door.  
  
"Then I'll go too." Kurapika stood up. "I must admit, that was fun. If you ever need me I'll be happy to help out with anything." the blond headed to where Leorio was standing and also gave a little wave. The other ruffled his hair and as they walked off Killua heard Leorio commenting on Kurapika's 'motherly tendencies'. He glanced at Gon who had a big smile on his face and felt a little tug at his lips too.   
  
 _This is how it should be._  
  
 **|** |:  
  
Time passed quite quickly. It seemed that they had only met a few days ago and yet already a few years had gone by and everything seemed to be going great. Kurapika and Leorio became constant faces seen everyday even though they were in different years, but Gon somehow managed to still get them all together even after Leorio had finished school and was now studying at a medical university nearby. Killua would sometimes see familiar faces in school and it felt kind of reassuring.   
  
It was a bit surprising to see Bisky as one of the teachers, but still looking like she could easily be a teenager. Killua almost dropped his bag when he and Gon had entered a new classroom just to see her behind the teacher's desk.   
  
That said, the blonde used her 'young looks' to often mix into the students and hear all the hottest news. One day Killua and Gon were walking through the hallway and at the corner of the taller one's eye he saw something that looked vaguely familiar. The boy stopped to get a better look and froze in place when he saw what had caught his attention.  
  
A guy who looked too close to the ant king to be anyone else and a petit white haired girl walking next to him.  
  
 _Holy shit!_ The white haired boy started frantically looking around him to see if there were many people around. _Should I do something? Is he the same?_ But before he could decide on his further action the boy's panic was interrupted by Bisky.  
  
"Oh, so this is the famous new student duo." the female said out loud, though it didn't look like she was talking to anyone in particular. By that time Gon had come back after noticing that his friend wasn't walking beside him and he was now listening to the conversation.  
  
"Famous duo?" Killua asked not really sure what answer to expect.  
  
"They only came this year, but it already seems that almost all of the school calls Meruem 'The king'." Bisky kept on talking. "I'm not even sure why, maybe it's his aura? He even has some followers. Well, anyway, even though he's older than Komugi, it seems that the school board agreed to let them attend the same classes, since the girl has lost her sight and Meruem is something like her escort. She refused to go to a special school saying that it wouldn't be of any good to Meruem, who had stated that he'd follow her wherever she chose to go. Isn't that kind if romantic?" Bisky made a dreamy look. "Ahh, young love, so sweet~"  
  
"Love?" Killua raised a brow at that. It was really hard to imagine the ruthless king that he had known caring for a helpless girl.   
  
"Of course, there's no other way to call it and this kind is the most unconditional. Maybe you boys will experience something like this in your lives too." The blonde woman reverted to her lecture mode with her finger raised up just as Killua remembered. He had to remind himself not to actually try and use Gyo, since there wasn't any in this world. "The feeling when you want to help and protect the person most dear to you, thinking that their happiness is the most important thing to you and not wanting anything in return. Perhaps just being with that person is enough. That's what I call a pure feeling. Though one must never forget themselves. "Bisky raised her finger even higher. "Because what good can you do when you don't even care about yourself? You should always remember that you're important to others and you're important to yourself."  
  
 _Then I guess I broke one of the rules._  
  
"So you mean that the felling when you want to be with a person and give them everything would be called love?" Gon asked with a curious look.  
  
"Only if it's healthy. It shouldn't be an obsession. And of course, there's all kinds of love in this world - family, friends, romantic, obsessive, altruistic and so on." the teacher explained.  
  
"So how can you tell which is which?" the dark haired boy cocked his head.  
  
"You have to figure that out by yourself." Killua said.  
  
"Ah, I guess you're right." Gon nodded. "So, are we going to your place today? We should hurry then to have more time to play." the boy spun on his heel. "Thank you for that information, Miss Krueger."   
  
"I told you to call me Bisky." the woman shouted after the boy who was already happily strolling towards the school's entrance. She smiled after him and turned to Killua. "So, have you figured it out yourself?"  
  
Caught by surprise the boy looked at her for a few seconds before sighing as he started walking to catch up with Gon.   
  
"I figured it out long ago."  
  
 **|** |:  
  
"Well I'm saying that we should celebrate your seventeenth birthday with as many people as possible. That way it'll be way more fun." Gon kept nagging.  
  
"We celebrated your birthday with a bunch of people, so why not do the opposite for mine?" Killua still stood his ground. "I don't really want all of that fuss. Ideally for me would be just the two of us."  
  
"But would that really be interesting?"  
  
"Are you saying the time we spend together is boring?"  
  
"No, no." Gon put his arms in a defensive position. "It's just that we spend every day together. I thought maybe you'd want to see some new faces."  
  
"Not really. I enjoy your company the most." Killua crossed his legs while sitting on his bed. "That's why I don't really want a lot of other people spending my 'special day'," he said with little air-quotes. "As you so put it, with me."  
  
"Ech, I really can't change your mind, right?" the dark haired teen dropped on his back on the bedroom's floor in defeat.  
  
"Not this time." Killua grinned looking over him. "It's always me who agrees to everything you suggest. Let's spice it up this time."  
  
"Okay." Gon gave a warm smile.  
  
It was already nearing Killua's seventeenth birthday and it was a bit of a new experience for the boy, since in all of the other worlds he had never reached this age. Gon had already celebrated his, though it looked like he was looking forward Killua's even more than his own.  
  
"Then it'll be just me and you?" the hazel eyed boy asked once more.  
  
"Preferably."  
  
"Okay, then leave everything to me."   
  
"Is that going to be your present?" The white haired boy said with a little tease in his tone.  
  
"You'll see~" Gon cooed as he stood up and sat on Killua's bed too.  
  
"Oh come on, you're terrible at keeping secrets." the blue eyed teen grinned as he extended his arms and started wiggling his fingers. "Will you be able to keep being mysterious after this?" as he said that the boy pounced the other and started tickling his sides.  
  
"K-Kill-ua!" Gon weaved for breath as his laughter filled the room.  
  
"I won't stop until you tell me what my present will be~" Killua kept on tickling as Gon tried to shield himself.  
  
"N-no! It's go-ing to-o be a a a sec-ret." the shorter boy finally managed to roll over and pin down Killua's arms instead. "You'll just have to wait and see."   
  
 _And this situation just got a bit unexpected._ Killua thought as he looked up at the smiling Gon over him, having him pinned down on his bed and both of them breathing heavily. The two of them stared at each other in silence for a few moments before Gon lowered his forehead to touch Killua's. "I promise I'll try to make it memorable." he said softly before letting go of the other's hands and standing up from the bed. "I'll see you tomorrow." He waved with a smile and headed out through the door.  
  
Killua kept sitting on his bed in a little daze after the other had already left. His hand unconsciously traveled to his forehead and a soft smile tugged at his lips.   
  
 _Could I really wish for this?_ He looked at his reflection in the mirror which had a little butterfly sticker at the very corner. He had figured it was Alluka's doing to make his room cuter. It was still a little strange seeing himself look like this - taller and more boyish, though with the same untamed silver hair and the same piercing blue eyes.  
 _  
Could I really wish for something more with Gon?_  
  
 **|** |:  
  
The day of Killua's birthday was nearing and Gon was still trying to be secretive. As the other would physically shut his mouth with his hands as soon as it looked like he would say something unnecessary, Killua kept on thinking if he should try something new with their friendship, but the boy would always shoot himself down before he even managed to say or do anything about it.   
  
 _What if he doesn't feel the same?  
  
What if he thinks I'm repulsive because of this?  
  
What if I ruin everything..?_  
  
The white haired teen would just keep silent and try to carry on with his days the same as ever.  
  
The day of his birthday finally came and as school was ending Killua got a text from Gon saying that he should wait for him on the roof. Their last lessons were different, so the blue eyed boy headed for the designated place after the bell rang. He had received a few congratulations from people around the school and a call from both Kurapika and Leorio. The two of them kept talking over each other, so it was a bit hard to make out what exactly they were saying, but Killua was certain he had heard 'we wish you the best of everything' and something vaguely resembling 'snatch your Gon' before the line went dead.   
  
The boy headed for the roof and once he opened the door his eyes were a little blinded by the sharp sunlight. As they adjusted a surprising view unfolded before him.  
  
The site was filled with flowers of every kind and colour and in the middle of them stood Gon with a little box in his hands and a silly grin on his face.  
  
"Y-you..." Killua's words got stuck somewhere in his throat as the boy slowly walked through the petals laying on the ground. A little blush appeared on his cheeks as he kept looking around. "Isn't this a bit girly?" he tried to joke as Gon giggled and stepped closer to him.  
  
The shorter boy extended his arms with the little box and waited for the other to take it. As Killua finally took the present in his hands, he looked down to inspect it. _I can't really tell what's inside. It's quite light._ He thought to himself still looking at the box, but before Killua could try and open it he felt Gon's hands on his cheeks. As the boy raised his eyes to see what the other was doing he felt a soft press on his lips and that was all it took to make his mind go numb. Killua almost dropped what he was holding in surprise, but quickly composed himself as he accepted the kiss and closed his eyes. It tasted so sweet and innocent and it felt so right.  
  
The two of them finally separated to get some air and Killua opened his eyes to see Gon smiling warmly in front of him. His face was a little flushed and Killua could feel the heat on his cheeks as well.   
  
"Happy birthday." the dark haired boy said softly.  
  
After a few moments of silence Killua smiled himself as he put down his present and enveloped Gon in the biggest hug he could manage. The slightly shorter boy put his arms around the other as they stood together just breathing in the scent of the flowers and each other.  
  
"Thank you." Killua murmured into Gon's shoulder.  
  
"Does it mean you like it?" the hazel eyed boy cheekily asked.   
  
"Of course I do!" the white head pulled back to look him in the eyes. "This is the best present I've ever gotten."  
  
"Fwew." Gon seemed to relax his stiffened shoulders. "I was afraid you wouldn't."  
  
"I guess that's normal." Killua smiled back at him. "But really, we've been sleeping in the same bed for about five years and spending almost every waking moment with each other. It would be stranger if I had hated it."  
  
"Then why didn't you do this yourself then?" Gon made his custom childish look.  
  
"Because... Maybe I was afraid too." the taller teen lowered his head.  
  
"Then that makes us the same." Gon grinned as he brushed of the bangs covering Killua's eyes. "Now come on, we've got to get everything to your house."  
  
"And how do you plan on doing that?" Killua said in a surprised tone. "There's a ton of these." he gestured at the flowers. "And there's no way we can carry it all in one go."  
  
"Don't worry, Leorio said he'd drive us home." Gon replied happily.  
  
"Leorio?"  
  
"Yeah, he should be waiting for us downstairs. Maybe Kurapika came too."  
  
"You really thought this through, didn't you?" the white haired boy laughed a little. "Okay, come on. Lets carry what we can downstairs."  
  
As Gon had said, Leorio and Kurapika were indeed waiting for them and as they greeted each other Leorio pulled both of them into a hug. He kept going on how his boys had grown up and Kurapika just shook his head and smiled at them.   
  
After the tallest male calmed down they all started carrying the flowers into his car. There were still a lot left when the car was full, so Leorio suggested that he could just drive a few rounds back and forth, since Killua's house wasn't that far away and that the two boys should continue on with the birthday. Gon thanked him for about a hundred times before he and Killua finally left the other two.  
  
As they were walking down the street Killua decided to check the little box that he had gotten from the energetic boy. The white haired teen carefully unwrapped it as Gon kept glancing at him with shining eyes.  
  
"A... Choco-robo?" Killua took the candy box from the packaging.  
  
"It was mostly just a decoy." the hazel eyed boy grinned.  
  
"And it worked wonders to make this the best birthday." the taller boy opened up the candy box and threw some chocolates into his mouth.  
  
As the two of them were walking to a cafe that Gon had suggested the boy suddenly stopped to look at the main street that was quite busy at that time of the day. Killua followed his gaze to see a group of kids playing in the park with the ball.  
  
"Hey, aren't they a little too close to the street?" Gon said in a slightly worried tone.   
  
"I think they know the safety regulations. It's not really our business." Killua replied already turning away and starting to walk again.  
  
"Look out!" a scream came as soon as he had turned and before the boy could realize what was going on he saw Gon running into the street.  
  
 _What's he doing?!_ A panicked thought came right before Killua dropped the box in his hands and took off running himself. He caught a glimpse of a little girl standing frozen in the middle of the road and shakily holding a ball in her hands. It seemed that the cars right in front of her couldn't manage to stop in time and Gon had decided in the split second to push her away.  
  
 _There's no time, he won't manage!_ Killua tried to run as fast as possible after the boy in front of him but he just seemed to get further and further away. _No, no, no, no, NO!_  
  
"GON!" a desperate shout came from the panicked boy's mouth as he extended his hand to reach the other.   
  
In a moment that seemed like an eternity Gon looked back at Killua and the other took this opportunity to grab his hand to pull him away from the street only to run in there himself to push away the kid. The blue eyed boy felt a rush of relief when he realized that he managed to save Gon just as he felt the impact of the car.  
  
He couldn't even feel the pain as he laid on the ground. Various chaotic sounds and screams surrounded him, but all the boy could make out was a loud 'KILLUA!' of the voice he was so familiar with. The voice kept getting closer and in a moment he could feel his body being gently lifted. The world started getting darker and the only thing that came in view was Gon's frightened face.  
  
"Killua! Please... hang in there..." the boy started choking on his breath as Killua felt a few warm drops land on his cheeks and everything just kept getting darker.  
  
The last thing he remembered was making a smile.

 

**9**

 

A soft breeze of wind awoke Killua. As the boy opened his eyes he saw a forest before him and a faint sunrise colouring everything in warm tones. A deep sigh escaped his mouth as the white haired boy remembered what had just happened.  _I was able to save him._  Killua smiled to himself, though he felt a slight pang on pain in his chest. _That’s enough for me…_

At the corner of his eye the boy noticed Kite leaning onto one of the trees.  _He’s still alive! But that must mean-_

“Morning, Killua!” A childish voice exclaimed near him and as the blue eyed boy turned to look he was greeted with Gon grinning at him. “Ready to go find the Queen?”

_No, we can’t!_ Killua gritted his teeth.  _It’s only going to be useless… I have to stop them!_ “Actually…” he dragged out the answer to think of something to convince the others to go back, but nothing came to the boy’s head. “I’m not.” He said as Gon’s expression turned into a confused one. “Because I know that we won’t manage it.”

“You can’t say that until we try.” The dark haired boy tried to argue. “There’s still time left until the King’s birth.”

“That’s not what I meant. We can’t go… We can’t go because it’ll only end badly.” Killua raised his head to look at Kite who was only silently listening to him. “Please trust me. I know that I sound ridiculous, but it’s the truth.”

“And what will happen?” the taller man finally spoke up.

“You…” the white haired boy exhaled. “You will die trying to protect us.”

“Killua, I never knew that you had clairvoyant powers.” Gon said looking amused. “But is that really true? Isn’t Kite really strong?”

“He is, but our enemies are even stronger. We need to go back and get back-up, since we won’t manage to get to the Queen in time anyway.”Killua looked sternly at the others. “Will you trust me?” he locked his eyes with Kite’s again.

The silver haired man stayed silent looking deep in thought for a few moments before raising up his head to look at the two boys and finally slightly nodding.

**|** |:

Killua still couldn’t believe that he had actually managed to keep Kite alive even as they regrouped at Peijin and met up with Palm, Knuckle and Shoot. Soon after they got the news about the selection and the plan to invade the palace was almost the same as the blue eyed boy had remembered for the exception of Kite joining him and Gon to fight Pitou. He wasn’t sure if this would be better, but at least Gon looked normal and all Killua could hope for was for him to stay like that.

The palace raid went the same and Pitou had to heal Komugi again. Gon and Kite agreed to stay and keep watch of her as Killua said that he needed to check on some things. The boy knew that he’d have to help Knuckle once more and all of the events were pretty similar to how he had remembered them. Finally, Pitou was done as the white haired boy returned and the four of them stepped out so as not to damage the room where Komugi was. Killua felt pretty happy – everything was going so well.

Why did he even hope for everything to end that way too?

The boy hadn’t thought that without Gon’s power-up they wouldn’t be able to defeat the Royal Guard. All he could do was helplessly scream as he saw Pitou slicing off Kite’s head when the silver haired man tried to protect the two boys from the blow. Killua slowly turned his head to look at Gon, expecting the worst, but all he saw was the other completely frozen in place as a few tears were rolling down his cheeks. At that moment the white haired boy realized that he was the one who had to end this fight. He couldn’t let Gon snap.

And yet how had he expected to win against Pitou when he knew that even Kite couldn’t do it? Killua tried his best, but it just wasn’t enough. He just couldn’t do it.

_There’s no point…_ He slumped down to his knees. _I’m not strong enough._

_Maybe I’ll just try harder the next time._

The boy hanged his head as he gave up. He just hoped that it wouldn’t be too painful when the ant sliced him up too, but then he heard a sudden shout of his name. Killua raised his head to see what was happening and it seemed that the time slowed down once again. As Pitou was leaping towards him in the last second his view was shielded by Gon, who had jumped in front of him. The dark haired boy’s expression turned into one full of pain as he let out a scream when the Royal Guard’s claw came in contact with his back. He fell right down towards Killua as the boy caught him cold from shock.

“Why..?” The taller boy breathed out as he felt the warmth of blood coming from his friend’s wound. Pitou just stood in front of them, looking at the scene that was unfolding with some interest.

“Because I couldn’t see two people I care about die.” Gon faintly smiled. “I’m only glad I could protect you…”

And again Killua felt so helpless as the tears started pooling at the corner of his eyes. All he could do was cradle his friend’s body as desperate wails escaped him.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will contain spoilers for the Phantom Rouge movie.

After  a while the worlds started to blur and mix in Killua’s memory. The boy stopped counting them as the number just kept growing and yet none of those times was he able to save Gon or survive himself. Some of the worlds were completely new, some – almost exactly the same as the ones before.

 **|** |:

A lonely world where Killua couldn’t find Gon.

 **|** |:

A cold world where to stay warm Killua gave Gon everything.

 **|** |:

A dark world where there was no sun. Gon seemed so much sadder and one day the boy disappeared. As Killua screamed out his name over and over in search all he saw was a flutter of small white, petal-like wings, bringing some light into the dark surroundings.

 **|** |:

An empty world where there was nothing. Killua tried to look for Gon, but as far as his eyes could see there was only a barren wasteland. As the boy eventually fell from exhaustion he could have sworn he saw a small figure running towards him in the distance.

 

**XX**

 

This time when Killua woke up he had a weird feeling. The feeling wouldn't go away and he couldn't tell what it was. He only knew that it involved Gon...  
  
He still lived as an assassin, though in this world it seemed that there were no such thing as hunters. The boy didn't question it anymore and accepted the fact that he'd have to find Gon differently. He had considered going to Whale island while working, but he wasn't sure how he would even introduce himself or become friends with Gon. Maybe he wouldn't even be there, since there weren't any hunters and his dad wouldn't have become one and left his son with Mito.  
  
As the boy kept thinking over the possibilities, his twelfth birthday came. He was used to waking up younger than usual, though he was almost never older. A young body was always what he would get. Killua wasn't used to celebrating too many birthdays and getting gifts, so what happened this time took him by surprise.  
  
His family had gotten him a present.  
  
When Killua had woken up he found that there had been a box left at his door. At first the boy was mostly just suspicious; it could have easily been some explosives in the moderately big box, but when a muffled yelp came from inside of it that thought was quickly discarded. _Is that an animal?_ Killua crouched in front of it and slightly knocked a couple of times. Another few yelps came from it and the blue eyed boy finally decided to check what was inside.  
  
As Killua was unwrapping the present he noticed a few holes in the paper, so it seemed that an animal was the most likely possibility. _But why would I need a pet?_ A thought crossed his mind as the wrapping finally fell to the ground and in front of the boy was indeed an animal cage. Killua hesitantly opened it and a ball of fur immediately leaped on the boy and started licking his face.  
  
"W-wait!" the white head tried to pry off the energetic creature off of himself, but laughter wasn't making it any easier. When at last he managed to grab the animal by the sides and pull it away the boy finally got a better look at it - it was a little puppy with the biggest hazel eyes he had seen. It had dark fur and was waving its tail enthusiastically while staring directly at him. To Killua the dog bore an uncanny resemblance to his dark haired friend, but that was completely ridiculous. It just wasn't possible.  
  
The boy noticed a green tag dangling at the puppy's neck and took it into his palm to inspect. There was a little design of a butterfly on one side of it and only one word written in amber letters on the other - GON.  
  
 **|** |:  
  
  
After the initial shock Killua decided that perhaps the strange feeling he had had from the moment he had woken up in this world was the fact that Gon wouldn't be human. It was the only explanation the boy could come up with and after observing the small animal for a while it didn't seem like a too farfetched idea. The puppy seemed to love him and wouldn't leave his side even when the white haired boy tried to shove him away or scare him. He just kept patting back on his tiny paws and trying to climb the boy's leg or running around him in circles with happy yelps escaping his mouth.  
  
"If this is how things will be this time then I'll be happy with anything I get." Killua said softly with a smile forming at his lips as he squatted down to take Gon into his arms again and hugged him. The puppy let out a small bark and nuzzled his nose into the boy's chest.  
  
"I'll be happy as long as it's you..."  
  
 **|** |:  
  
As the days passed Killua started staying in the house more and more. The boy would decline all his job offerings and would choose to spend all of his time playing with Gon and that was making some of his family members quite annoyed. The biggest surprise to everyone was the fact that Killua had gotten a dog as a present since no one would admit it was them who gave it to him. It didn't matter that much to the white haired boy though. He was more than happy to show Gon to Alluka much to the dismay of others and the girl also seemed to love him.  
  
Killua would spend most of his days either in his room, in Alluka's room or at the mountainside forest with Gon. Even though the puppy couldn't talk, the blue eyed boy kept speaking to him, telling him all about the countless times he had lived different lives and how diverse some of them were, while others managed to stay almost exactly the same to a life he had already experienced. It looked like Gon could actually understand him, since he would calm down as soon as Killua would start talking about his past lives and the puppy seemed to even try and console him with nuzzling or licking his cheeks after the boy's stories. Killua wasn't exactly sure if he was only imagining that to make himself feel better.  
  
 **|** |:  
  
A few years had gone by after Killua had gotten a dog as a present and even though Gon had grown a bit, it seemed that his breed was one of the smaller ones. The blue eyed boy still refused to go and do his work, since he would definitely not take his pet with him as it was too dangerous and he wouldn't want to leave him in the care of his family - that would just have been asking for trouble.  
  
One day his mother had finally entered his room with a furious expression. "Killu! I have been patient enough all this time, but enough is enough!" she slammed the door behind her as Kalluto quietly stood beside her. "You have to go out on at least one job, because at this rate you might as well start living like Milluki."  
  
As the woman fumed Killua just stared at her blankly while petting Gon, who had perked up from his feet at the commotion.  
  
"This _animal,_ " Kikyo sent a glare at the dog. "Has been a horrible influence over you and I won't take it anymore. If you won't go out at least once you can say goodbye to your precious pet, since I'll make sure you won't be seeing it again." she stomped her foot for affirmation and then made a gentler look. "Killu, I'm only doing this for your sake. You know how unhealthy you've been acting."  
  
"You want me to leave Gon all alone here while I'm god knows where?" Killua asked in a cold tone while standing up.  
  
"I can take care of him." Kalluto suddenly spoke up.  
  
"See, Killu? We only want to help you."  
  
Killua tsk'ed. "Fine, I'll go. But only on one job." The white haired boy said annoyed. "And if something happens to Gon while I'm gone, there will be consequences."  
  
Kalluto just nodded at that and Kikyo let out something that sounded like a happy squeal. Her son still hadn't lost his touch after all.  
  
Killua was greatly annoyed at the situation, but he had expected that something similar would have happened sooner or later and he couldn't have risked Gon's safety. He reluctantly left the energetic ball of fur with Kalluto and promised to come back as soon as possible.  
  
The job was an easy one. Luckily the location wasn't even that far off, so it only took Killua a few days to find his target, get rid of them and head back. When the boy finally came home he immediately ran to his room to check if Gon was alright. He wasn't exactly expecting to see Illumi sitting on his bed with the animal in his hands.  
  
"Illumi? What are you doing here?" Killua carefully asked not breaking eye-contact with him as he entered the room.  
  
"Hello there, little brother. Long time no see." Illumi smiled at him. "It looks like this pet of yours has been taking all of your attention from your work and your family. That doesn't sound too good, does it?" the older brother tilted his head to the side.  
  
"That doesn't concern you." Killua stated sternly.  
  
"Oh, but it does. It does quite a lot actually." the taller male started petting the dog. "This little mutt has only brought you unnecessary distractions and that's the least we need, wouldn't you agree, Killu?"  
  
"No, I wouldn't. Now put him away." the white haired boy said through clenched teeth. This was the worst situation that could have happened.  
  
"Don't be like that, Killu." Illumi didn't seem the least affected by Killua's hostility. "This is a bit of a problem. Maybe I should get rid of it for you?" he picked up a whimpering Gon with one hand and took out a needle with the other.  
  
"Don't you dare!" the shorter boy cried out as he realized what exactly his brother was planning to do. He saw the terrified look on Gon's face as he tried to get out of Illumi's hold, though it was useless. Killua rushed towards them in the blink of an eye, but it was a second too late.  
  
All he heard was a last quiet cry as the small body thumped on the ground with a needle stuck in it.

**XXX**

A sudden loud sound stirred Killua from his sleep and the boy quickly shot up on his feet. He saw Gon running to a window and carefully looking through it. There was no time to think, so Killua followed him. He immediately realized that it was the world that he was most used to and as the thought came to the boy he saw a man outside destroying everything he came in touch with.  
  
"Uvogin?! But didn't Kurapika kill him?" Gon looked surprised at the view.  
  
The man then noticed them and made a malicious smile. By then Killua had already realized what time it was and all he could do was yell for Gon to run. The other boy understood the situation and grabbed a still sleepy Retz before dashing out of the hotel room. A huge explosion resounded through the building, but the trio managed to avoid being injured.  
  
Gon told Retz to escape before nodding to Killua to indicate that he was ready to fight. Everything happened so quickly and yet the white haired boy already knew how it all would play out. They tried to fight Uvogin and couldn't do anything again and as Gon was telling Killua to run away Nobunaga showed up to fight the former Spider once more. Soon after Omokage made an entrance with dolls of Pakunoda and the Shadow Beasts, but before they could do any harm, Machi and Nobunaga got rid of them. As the two Spiders left, Killua let out a small sigh and turned to Gon, who was fuming about getting Kurapika’s eyes back.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get them back.” The white haired boy said. “Actually, I even know where to look for them.”

“Really? But didn’t we agree to let Retz help us?” Gon looked at him confused. “Well, let’s find her first. I hope she’s okay.”

 _If we do that you’ll only lose yours_. Killua thought as he followed his friend.

 **|** |:

The two boys found the blonde girl safe and sound and helped look for her doll. After that they went to get her new clothes again and Killua finally decided to speak up by asking Gon to come with him outside of the shop.

“Look, we can’t trust her.” He stated and continued before the other could say anything. “While looking around town I actually found out some things about Omokage. I didn’t want to say anything at first, but I think it would be better for us to ditch Retz, since she’s his sister.” The boy said as he hoped Gon would believe his little lie.

“She’s Omokage’s sister?!” the hazel eyed boy exclaimed loudly as Killua rushed to shut his mouth with his palm.

“Shhh!” he hissed. “Yes, she is and that’s why we can’t stay with her any longer and believe that she’ll show us the right place.”

 “And you found it yourself?”

“I did.” Killua nodded. “We can meet up with Kurapika and Leorio and go there.”

“Okay, then let me handle Retz.” Gon said as he dashed into the store. After a few minutes the dark haired boy came back with a smile and told that everything was taken care of. Killua didn’t bother asking what he did, since it didn’t really matter to him.

 **|** |:

Soon after the other two joined them and the blue eyed boy started showing them the way to where Omokage was. He hoped that his memory wouldn’t betray him now and as they reached the abandoned church he felt relieved. The only problem now was to defeat him and his dolls, but Killua wasn’t too worried, since they had already successfully done that before. The silver haired man dramatically greeted them and right after his entrance the dolls of Pairo and Illumi appeared too. The taller boy nodded to Gon after looking at his fake brother. The other understood him as they left Kurapika and Leorio with the brown haired boy.

Since this time Illumi hadn’t taken neither Killua’s nor Gon’s eyes, the doll was fighting with this intent. It was still difficult to fight him and as the white haired boy got knocked over a few meters while standing up he saw Illumi grabbing Gon and looking at his face. Killua immediately jumped in-between them and felt his own face being clutched and turned to look at his brother’s void eyes. Pain overtook his body and before the white haired boy could do anything he was dealt a blow to his stomach.

As Killua came back to his senses he opened his eyes only to piece together that he could actually see. Everything around him was silent, there were no more sounds of fighting and the blue eyed boy frantically stood up realizing that he was most likely knocked out for a few minutes. He looked around the dark church and felt his body freezing at the sight.

Kurapika and Leorio were lying on the cold floor next to each other, hands extended and fingers laced together. Killua ran to them terrified, but a feeling of helplessness was already washing over him. As the boy knelt down he looked for pulses, but there was nothing anymore. He felt tears forming at his eyes and at that moment the blue eyed boy heard silent echoes of heavy breathing resounding through the place. He raised his head to see who was making the sound and choked on his breath.

Gon was slumped down on his knees in the middle of the church and had his head hung down low. Killua ran as fast as he could to the other and as he got closer the boy understood that he was too late. He knelt next to his friend, who was covered in bruises, wounds and the colour red and gently took hold of him. Gon weakly looked up and when he saw that it was Killua he made a small smile. “Killua, you’re okay…” he said and it looked like each word caused him more and more pain, but they boy just kept smiling. “You’re okay…”

“Gon…” the white head breathed out.

“I’m sorry… It seems that I got too reckless.” Gon tried to laugh but only started coughing up blood. “I’m really sorry Killua…” the dark haired boy said faintly as he closed his eyes. “I’m only going to sleep for a bit… I’ll wake up as soon as possible. I promise…”

“No, Gon…” the taller one choked out. “Please, no…”

Killua felt Gon relaxing in his arms and he just couldn’t hold it in anymore. The boy let out a loud scream that echoed through the silent church and his tears wouldn’t stop rolling down his cheeks. Through the blur he saw a small white silhouette moving in front of him and the white haired boy wiped at his eyes to see it more clearly. It was a little plain butterfly dancing in front of him and as the boy unconsciously extended his palm it landed on it. Sudden anger overcame Killua as he looked at the innocent petal-like creature and in a split second he clenched his fist with the butterfly still on it.

When he unclenched his hand the blue eyed boy didn’t see anything.

**XXX**

How many times has he seen the same ceiling? He can't remember anymore...  
 _It's always the same. The outcome is always the same...  
  
Why..?_  
  
Killua sat up on his bed not even bothering to look around his room anymore. He knew it was the one he was most used to. The boy's memories were telling him the same.  
  
 _Why can't I change anything? Why are all of the endings akin no matter what I do?_ The white haired boy put his face into his palms. _Why am I so useless?_  
  
 **|** |:  
  
The days passed in a haze as Killua felt himself starting to lose his drive. If everything was pointless, then why did he even need to try anymore? The boy didn't even notice as the hunter exam came and went by, his body acting automatically as his mind was somewhere else. He didn't meet Gon. What was the point if either one of them would get killed in a few days or a few years. The end result would still be the same.  
  
Killua felt that this newfound apathy was helping him tremendously in his assassin job. He didn't feel as much anymore and he could get his work done much faster, sometimes without noticing half of what he was doing. It was so easy to just lock himself out.  
  
Sometimes a thought would come about what Gon was doing, but the blue eyed boy would brush it off before he could start remembering the other. There was no need for that. Killua was sure that his former friend was quite happy without him and since the worlds didn't change even after six years he was starting to think that maybe this was what he had needed to do all along - forget about Gon.  
  
But the world seemed to like joking with him.  
  
One day Killua got a job offering with a huge amount of money for payment. The target was the son of a pro hunter Ging Freecss. The white haired teen looked at the piece of paper that he was holding with a mix of emotions as all of the suppressed feelings started to come back. _So this is how it will end? Was this the point all along?  
  
Did I need to kill Gon from the beginning?  
_  
In the end Killua accepted the job.  
  
 **|** |:  
  
Finding Gon wasn't that hard since the hunter seemed to leave an impression everywhere that he had been to. Killua tracked him down to a hotel he was staying in and found out that his late friend and now target was traveling alone. _You're making things too easy, Gon_. The white haired teen observed the shabby hotel in the small town in the middle of nowhere. The air was hot and humid and the assassin felt relieved as night soon fell with its refreshing temperature. _I guess it's now or never._  
  
Killua jumped from the roof of the building that he was watching his target from and silently climbed up to the floor he knew Gon was staying on. The windows were wide open as to let the cold air in and the blue eyed teen easily slipped into his former friend's room. The place was dark as only the moonlight seeped in through the windows, but Killua could plainly see Gon's sleeping body. He slowly walked closer to him without making any sound and his eyes finally got a better look. It wasn't just a faraway silhouette anymore, his target was right in front of him, sleeping peacefully and without a care in the world. Gon's face had matured in the time Killua hadn't seen him and was now sporting a scar on his right cheek, but somehow it still looked childish.  
  
 _What am I even thinking?_ Killua mentally slapped himself. _I should just get it done as quickly as possible and see what happens after that.  
  
But maybe it's the last time I ever see him...  
  
It doesn't matter anymore. You shouldn't care anymore.  
  
I don't want to do this...  
  
It won't change what will eventually happen.  
  
I want to stay with him...  
  
There is no point. Just kill him.  
  
I can't...  
  
_ The inner fight got Killua distracted as he loomed over Gon, with this hand still extended and ready to kill. The white haired teen got snapped back from his thoughts as the one below him suddenly opened his eyes. For a moment both of them just stared at each other in silence before Gon calmly asked. "Who are you?"  
  
Killua was taken aback by the lack of terror, fear and anger from the dark haired teen's face. He just looked genuinely interested. "Are you stupid? Don't you see the situation you're in?" the blue eyed killer asked as he retreated his hand.  
  
"I see an amusing guy right in front of me as I woke up and I just want to know his name." Gon gave a small smile. "So can I?"  
  
"It's Killua." the white head said out of instinct before he could think.  
  
"And I'm Gon. Nice to meet you." the hazel eyed teen grinned as he rose up from his bed. "So what were you doing?"  
  
"Trying to kill you."  
  
"Really? But you don't seem like the kind of person to do that..."  
  
"And why do you think so?" Killua started to play along as it was so easy to fall back into Gon's pace.  
  
"Because you have gentle eyes." the dark haired teen said softly.  
  
"...That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard. You do realize that I was about to kill you, right?" the blue eyed male said after he quickly collected himself from Gon's usual antics. "And you are chatting with the assassin that was hired to get rid of you."  
  
"And yet here you are - chatting back."  
  
"I-I..." Killua felt his cheeks reddening. "Oh shut up."  
  
"See? I knew you were a good guy. I really don't think this job is suited for you." Gon said, his smile never faltering. "Would you rather want to travel with me instead?"  
  
"Huh? Where did that come from?"  
  
"I dunno. I just have a feeling that we could be good friends."  
  
"A feeling? And you're going to stick with only that?" the white haired boy felt like scolding the other. How could a person have this little of self preservation?  
  
"Yup!" Gon smiled even brighter if that was possible.  
  
Killua stared at him for a bit before letting out a sigh and slightly smiling himself. "Okay..." he put his arms on his hips. "But you should know that me failing to accomplish this job might lead to severe consequences. I've never failed a job before, so I'm not sure what they will be, but I'm positive it won't be anything good."  
  
"I don't mind." the sitting teen shook his head. "I don't know how to name it properly, but I just have a feeling that we were meant to meet. Does that make sense?"  
  
"It does..." Killua sat down on the bed next to Gon. His body felt so light now.  
  
"Really?! I'm glad you feel the same." the dark haired teen laughed as he put up his arm around the other's shoulders and drew him in closer. "This day just keeps getting better and better."  
  
"Why?" Killua tried to mask the fact that he was taken by surprise by Gon's suddenpropinquity.  
  
"Because I got the news that I'll meet my parents here in a day and I got to meet you!" the shorter teen grinned.  
  
"Wait wait wait - your parents?" the white haired male raised a brow. "I thought you only had your dad."  
  
"My adoptive parents." Gon fumbled around in his bag that was next to the bed before taking out a picture. "Here." he handed it to the other.  
  
It was dark in the room and the picture was a little crumbled, but Killua could plainly see two people hugging and smiling. Two people who looked exactly like Leorio and Kurapika. _Seriously? These two?_ "They seem...nice." he mustered up lamely.  
  
"I know, right?" Gon took the picture and looked at it sweetly. "They're only a few years older than me, but it feels kind of nice to have them as parents. My aunt agreed to it and I've never seen my real dad or mom, so it feels like an actual family to me. I came to this town because we all wanted to meet up once in a while and they'll be here tomorrow. Oh!" the hazel eyed teen suddenly turned his head to Killua. "I can introduce you to them!"  
  
"Won't it be kind of weird?" the white head looked at him questioningly. "Hi mom, hi dad, this is Killua. He tried to kill me a few hours ago, but it's okay now since we're friends." he said mockingly.  
  
"We can explain everything to them. I'm sure they'll understand." Gon pouted a little and Killua couldn't help but let out a small laugh at that.  
  
"Of course they will."  
  
 **|** |:  
  
As Killua had predicted Kurapika and Leorio were quite surprised by Gon's new 'friend', but they didn't question it that much. The two older males just shook their heads at the younger one and told Killua that they'll trust Gon's decision, but will keep an eye on him. That sounded reasonable enough and the white haired teen felt a little relieved to see everyone the same as before. Well, not exactly the same, but truth be told, there was no difference in how any one of them acted. Kurapika and Leorio still bickered from time to time, though now there was some more intimacy between them and Gon happily chatted with everyone as they sat in a coffee shop.  
  
A few days went by and Leorio and Kurapika had to leave the town, but Gon said that he still needed to get a few things done, so they said their goodbyes. Killua watched from a bit further away as everyone hugged, but then Leorio beckoned him to come too and reluctantly the white haired assassin was also drawn into the embrace.  
  
After the two left, Killua explained to Gon that right now they might be in a lot of danger, since someone from his family might come after a while to check why he still hadn't come back home. The dark haired teen simply replied that they'll have to look out then and carried on with his day as normal. Killua could only sigh at that and follow in tow.  
  
One day as they were leaving the town Killua felt a shiver run down his spine as the teen looked around and caught a glimpse of his brother heading towards him from the crowd of people. Before he could say anything to Gon, Illumi was already standing next to him and looking over the dark haired boy.  
  
"So, Killu, how have things been going?" he asked nonchalantly, but the blue eyed teen could feel the hidden question behind that - why haven't you still gotten rid of your target if he's standing right next to you?  
  
"Hi, Illumi." he answered through gritted teeth. "Everything's going great and I was about to head home, but I still need to do a few things."  
  
"Really? Maybe I can help you then." the taller male said with a little smile as he walked behind the confused Gon. A faint ray of light reflected off of a needle he took out and Killua immediately pushed the shorter one away while yelling "Get away!" A familiar pang of pain went through his body, but the boy endured it to latch onto his brother.  
  
"Get. Away." Killua tried looking at Gon sternly, but felt his face betraying him with a pleading look. "Please..."  
  
He saw tears pooling at the boy's eyes and he closed his own. _There's nothing more that I can do._ "Please, Gon..." Killua said weakly.  
  
 _Stay alive._

 


	5. Chapter 5

**XXX**

 

Another unfamiliar room. This time it looked like a hospital one and as Killua rose up from another unfamiliar bed he felt numerous IVs attached to him. There was also an oxygen mask on him, so the boy took it off. Taking a look around he saw another bed next to his and on that one Gon was peacefully laying with the same mask as him.  
  
The white haired boy wanted to immediately stand up and check up on Gon, but he wasn't too sure if he could take out the IVs, so he stayed in his bed, hoping that someone would come soon. A faint smell of medicine lingered in the room and the boy laid in his bed unmoving, just staring at the ceiling.

_I wonder how many times I‘ve woken up like this. I can’t remember…_

After a while a nurse came into the room and froze up when she saw that Killua was staring at her. The woman composed herself after a few seconds and came closer to the awoken boy's bed. She asked him a few questions and after a bit the doctor came in too. Killua answered everything absent-mindedly and just put out his arms for the IVs to be taken out, all at the same only looking at Gon, who hadn't moved an inch.  
  
"It seems that he still hasn't woken up." the doctor said. "You've both been sleeping for a couple of days."  
  
"What happened?" the white haired boy asked stretching his arms after they were clear of all the additional weight.  
  
"You both got into a car accident. There weren't any serious injuries, but the two of you just wouldn't wake up." the nurse answered for him.  
  
"I'll stay until he does that." Killua stated looking at the other bed and its occupant.  
  
"Well, we did intend to keep you here for a little longer, but we have no idea how long it'll take for him to wake up." the doctor tried to reason with the boy.  
  
"I'll stay here." he said again coldly.  
  
 **|** |:  
  
Nobody came to visit any more after the doctor and nurse left shaking their heads, most likely thinking that the boy was only acting up and that he couldn't do anything. Killua knew that. That's why he hoped Gon would wake up as soon as possible.  
  
The room slowly submerged into darkness as the blue eyed boy watched over his friend. He didn't bother to close the curtains, so the only source of light was the faint moonlight. He didn't really notice the time slip by and it didn't really matter to him anymore.  
  
 _Maybe this time I'll have to live alone while Gon keeps sleeping here and I won't be able to help him in any way._ He let out a sigh.  
  
The minutes ticked by and the boy felt drowsiness washing over him, but he still kept himself awake. He needed to watch over Gon. That's all he could do for now...  
  
In the middle of the night when Killua had moved from his bed to sit on Gon's and hold his hand he thought he felt a light twitch in it. The boy's eyes darted to his hand and he saw the sleeping one's fingers slightly moving. A faint feeling of hope stirred inside him as Killua looked back at Gon's face.  
  
The dark haired boy's eyes slowly opened up and his gaze traveled to Killua's eyes. A small smile appeared on his face and the taller one quickly removed the oxygen mask from his face. He couldn't force himself to say anything, so he just looked softly at Gon. His hand was squeezing the other boy's, though Gon didn't seem to mind as his own fingers danced a little on Killua's palm. The hazel eyed boy opened his mouth but Killua couldn't hear what he was saying, so he leaned in closer. As his face was almost touching the other's he thought he heard a faint whisper that sounded like a 'thank you'. The white haired boy pulled back confused and saw Gon drowsily closing his eyes, still with that sweet smile on his face.  
  
"What for..?" Killua whispered not understanding what the other meant as he heard the constant beeping that was in the room suddenly turn into a long continuous one.

 

**XXXX**

 

After a long time came a world that Killua hadn't seen before. This kind of occurrence was pretty rare, since most of them tended to repeat themselves. The boy woke up being only four years old and right next to him Gon was sleeping curled up and holding his hand. The white head smiled at that before looking over the room. There were a few more bunk-beds with kids sleeping in them. His own bed was a double one, but it seemed that he and Gon preferred sleeping next to each other. _So an orphanage, huh_. Killua laid back down. _At least he's here from the beginning_.  
  
It was a little hard pretending to be a little kid, but the blue eyed boy got used to it, though sometimes his act would waver and some of the adults in the orphanage would give him strange looks. He knew that he already was labeled as a weird kid because of his hair and this attitude of his, but that didn't bother the boy. As long as Gon was with him and would give him reassuring smiles Killua didn't care about anything else.  
  
There were a few times when people had come in wanting to adopt one of them, but the boys would strongly opposed to that saying that they wouldn't go without the other and would act as horribly as possible to get rid of those people. They got labeled as brothers even though both of them had come in at different times and weren't biologically related.  
  
The years passed and it was a bit exciting seeing Gon so little and then growing up. Killua would try his hardest to keep his friend oblivious about his older mentality and it wasn't that hard around him. With Gon it was so simple to forget about everything.  
  
One day a kid ran into the play room announcing that another couple had come in and that they looked pretty young. Killua and Gon didn't pay that much attention, since young couples tended to pick one of the toddlers and never two kids. Some of the older kids also didn't care about the news, so they continued playing, though the little ones always seemed so excited by the possibility that they might get adopted. Killua heard the door opening and a swarm of little footsteps gathering around the newcomers, but then an unexpected shout came from one of the caretakers. They were calling him and Gon over. The white haired boy glanced at the other who looked equally confused before standing up and turning around.  
  
One of the caretakers was standing right in front of the door and next to her were Leorio and Kurapika, waving happily at them.  
  
"These two requested for two brothers." the older woman, whose name Killua never bothered to learn, said. "Frankly, we don't have anyone like that here, but you were the closest fit." she then turned to the taller couple. "So what do you think? They're both energetic, though the white haired one tends to be more mature."  
  
"They look adorable." Kurapika let out a small laugh. "What are your names?"  
  
"Don't you already know them?" Killua asked sarcastically, but Gon was already answering for both of them.  
  
"I'm Gon and this is Killua!" the shorter boy grinned widely. "Will you be taking us both?"  
  
"That's the plan." Leorio smiled at him and then looked at Killua. "Will that be alright?"  
  
"I guess. I've got no objections." the blue eyed boy said trying to sound bored though he felt quite happy. It was always nice to meet these two, since not all of the worlds allowed that.  
  
 **|** |:  
  
The adoption process went smoothly enough, though it took some time for them to actually start living together. It wasn't even surprising to Killua that Leorio and Kurapika were actually married and living together. It even seemed pretty normal to him by this time. The two had a nice cozy house at the outskirts of the town and the boys found out that Leorio was working as a doctor while Kurapika agreed to stay at home to take care of the new family additions. For Killua that wasn't exactly necessary, but he complied - he was supposed to be a little kid after all.  
  
It felt relaxing not having a care in the world while living with the other three. Killua got to experience growing up in a loving environment and the days passed filled with fun. Gon seemed genuinely happy and the blue eyed boy felt the same.  
  
Kurapika liked telling them all kinds of stories, so Killua once inquired about how he and Leorio actually met and got together. To that the taller blond blushed a little and the white haired boy had to contain his smirk.  
  
"Well, during our student years we actually lived in the same apartment building." Kurapika started while Gon made an 'o' with his mouth. "I lived one floor below Leorio and I would sometimes see him through our balconies. We would usually just say hello and that would be it, though after a while he started playing horribly loud music in the middle of the night." the blond shuddered just as the taller man entered the room with an amused look on his face.  
  
"I heard my name being mentioned and I came to see what you were talking about." he said as he sat down on the couch next to Kurapika, looking over the kids who were on the floor.  
  
"Mom was telling us how you met!" Gon answered cheerfully.  
  
"Oh, about the time when you barged into my room yelling to turn off the racket or you'd break my sound system or possibly another thing?" Leorio snickered. "That's something I'll never forget. You looked completely different from how I remembered seeing you from my balcony or passing you in the hallways - a huge bed-head, black bags under your eyes and shaking with anger. I even mistook you for someone else at first."  
  
"Well," Kurapika cleared his throat. "I couldn't sleep because of you, though no one else seemed to care about the sound, but I lived exactly underneath you and at least in my room the walls were paper thin."  
  
"And that's how our initial first meeting went - him yelling at me and me taken completely by surprise and sitting frozen at my computer." Leorio smiled.  
  
"So how did you actually even become friends if that was your first meeting?" Killua raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I came the next day to apologize for my outburst and offered a truce. From then we started talking from our balconies and after a while we began to actually spend time together." the blond continued. "And eventually we grew closer."  
  
"Aww that sounds so nice." the shortest boy said with a dreamy look on his face. "I wonder if I'll ever get to meet someone like that. How about you, Killua?" he excitedly turned at the other.  
  
"I don't really care about that." the white haired boy gave a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. _After all, I've already met you a myriad of times._  
  
 **|** |:  
  
As time passed Killua noticed that Kurapika started acting a little strange. The blond became quieter and less energetic, though the shift seemed to be too small for anyone else to take notice. Still, the white haired boy began keeping an eye on him, offering to help whenever he saw that it might be needed and generally staying close to the other. After a while though Killua heard what was probably meant to be kept a secret from him and Gon - Kurapika was sick. The boy had only wandered in the middle of the night because he had gotten hungry and was heading for the kitchen, but he heard faint sounds of crying coming from Leorio's and Kurapika's room. He quietly stepped closer just to see the taller male sitting on the edge of the bed while Kurapika was silently trying to comfort him.  
  
"What happened..?" Killua whispered more to himself, but the others noticed him standing at the door. Leorio just raised his head and the look on his face was heart wrenching. He looked completely broken down and before the blue eyed boy could say anything else he felt himself being wrapped in a tight embrace. Kurapika just held him tight as he felt tears trickling at his eyes. "This wasn't supposed to happen." the boy said silently. "This wasn't supposed to happen..."  
  
 **|** |:  
  
Eventually Gon had to find out too and he was devastated. The smallest boy started bawling his eyes out as Killua tried to tell him that everything might still work out okay while tightly hugging him. He knew that it wouldn't. The illness that Kurapika had was still untreatable and that was what had gotten the most to Leorio. The white haired boy would sometimes hear the other muttering 'useless' when he thought that no one was listening. The later turn of events didn't even come as a surprise to Killua anymore.  
  
He was also sick.  
  
There was still no way to tell if it was infectious, but Kurapika blamed himself as the boy started coming down with the same symptoms as him. Killua didn't even try to fight it anymore.  
  
 _What's the point? Something like this was inevitable_. The boy thought silently as he sat in his bed. _I was stupid to hope for anything else._  
  
In the end the family agreed for Kurapika and Killua to stay in the same room as Leorio decided to try his best at finding a way to heal them. Gon just hopelessly hugged the white haired boy while silently sobbing. Killua felt a lot worse for making him feel like that than from the actual illness. Wasn't his main purpose to make the other happy?  
  
As the shorter boy sat next to Kurapika he let out a deep sigh. "You know, you're the one who always kept telling us stories. Would you like to listen to one of mine?" he asked as a sudden impulse overcame him to at least talk about something.  
  
"I don't see why not." the other smiled at him.  
  
"Though I know that you won't believe me, since it will all sound really ridiculous." Killua shook his head.  
  
"If you say that it's true then I'll believe you."  
  
"I don't think you will, but that doesn't matter." the blue eyed boy let out a small laugh. "I guess I just want to tell this to someone at least once, but first a question - do you believe that there are other worlds besides this one? Not in the sense that there is life in space, but more like in a multiple universe theory."  
  
"I think it's possible." the blond answered with a serious expression.  
  
"Then this will make everything easier." Killua scooted closer to the other and put his head on Kurapika's shoulder. "Well, I should start from saying that the time when you adopted me and Gon wasn't the first time we've met. Far from it. I've seen you countless of times in different worlds. The same goes for Gon and Leorio. I've lived through so many worlds that I don't even remember which one this is."  
  
"Then you're actually older than me or Leorio?" the taller male asked curiously.  
  
"I'm older then both of you combined, but in a sense I'm also younger."  
  
"What do you mean by that?"  
  
"I've never experienced what it's like to be an adult." Killua sighed. "I've never lived long enough to know that, so I only know how to be a kid."  
  
"And why have you never experienced it?"  
  
"Because either me or Gon always die before that. I think the oldest I've been is about nineteen." the white haired boy raised his eyes to see if the other was already laughing at him, but Kurapika had no trace of mockery in his face. He looked actually interested.  
  
"Gon? Is he also like you?"  
  
"Not really. He doesn't remember anything, but I guess you could say he was the trigger for it, though I can't clearly remember anymore what happened that started all of this. I just know that I need to protect him."  
  
"Does it hurt...to die?" Kurapika asked a little unsure if it was an appropriate question.  
  
"It does, though not always. You'd think that after all those times you'd become numb, but that isn't true. Though it's not as painful as seeing him die..."  
  
"Gon?"  
  
"Yeah... I always feel so weak whenever I wake up in another world knowing that I failed again. All I want is for him to be happy." the white haired boy slumped down his shoulders.  
  
"So that's why you've always looked at him so sweetly." Kurapika smiled softly. "You always seemed so happy with him, though sometimes it looked like you were restraining yourself from saying something important."  
  
"Ah, so it was noticeable." Killua weakly laughed. "It doesn't really matter anymore since I still didn't get to tell him anything. This world will end just like all of the ones before it and a new one will begin. I'll try to meet Gon again and either I or he will die again. The same cycle just keeps repeating itself and it seems so pointless sometimes, but I keep telling myself that I have to try, because if I don't I have a feeling that everything will just disappear. Maybe that would be even better, but I just can't find the strength in myself to let this go. I just can't let him go..."  
  
"Killua..." Kurapika whispered. "Compared to what you've been through mine and Leorio's relationship seems like children’s play."  
  
"Actually most of the time whenever I met either one of you the other would appear almost immediately and the two of you would usually always stick together." Killua laughed a little. "It's like you were glued to each other."  
  
"Really? That sounds kind of reassuring." Kurapika also smiled before making a stern expression. "But, Killua, you really shouldn't knock yourself down like that. I know that it's probably really hard for you after all of this time, but you shouldn't think that everything will be pointless. I believe that if you'd tell Gon about this he'd say the same."  
  
"He doesn't need to know. He might not even understand it, but...thanks." the white haired boy relaxed himself against the other. "I think it's the first time I've ever told anyone about this, so thanks for listening."  
  
"Thank you for telling me." Kurapika said as he wrapped his arms around the shorter boy. "But remember - not everything is pointless. There's always a way out."  
  
"I really wish that you're right..."

**XXXX**

 

_And yet I still wake up like this._

It was a day before the palace raid and Killua even felt like laughing a little _. Oh well, it’s not like this is anything new…_

Everything folded out the same as the white haired boy didn’t bother to make any changes. Gon lost himself again and all Killua could do was watch. He left the other with Pitou and went out to find Palm and help the others. As they regrouped to head back to the room with Gon, Pitou and Komugi, the former two were already leaving it. The white haired boy looked sadly at Gon, who instructed to watch over Komugi and walked out with the Royal Guard. _Do I follow them now? Can I change anything by doing that?_

Killua waited till the two left before turning to Palm. “Can I ask you to look after her?” he nodded towards Komugi. “I need to follow Gon.”

“Of course.” The woman looked at him sternly. “Just be careful.”

“I’ll try.”

The white haired boy exited the palace grounds and started running in the direction of Peijin. He needed to keep some distance from the other two, since Gon had said not to follow them. As he reached the mansion where Kite was, he saw Pitou entering the building. _Right on time._ The boy thought as he silently walked in tow. When he finally stepped into the room with the silver haired man, the boy saw the cat-like ant standing with her back to him and Gon kneeling not too far away.

“Gon…” Killua called out softly as he walked towards his friend. The other boy seemed to be snapped out of his state of shock when he raised his head to look at the taller one.

“Killua..?” the dark haired boy whispered as trails of tears kept rolling down his cheeks. “Killua, she says that she can’t heal Kite. She’s lying, isn’t she? Kite will be okay, right?”

“She’s not lying.”  Killua said while looking the other right in the eyes and saw them widening even more. “But Kite will be alright.”

“How..?”

“He’s already alive and well, just not in this body.” The white haired boy explained as the other just looked confused at him. “Gon, Kite is alive.”

As those words escaped him, Killua saw Gon’s eyes slowly recovering their usual glow and a smile started to appear on the other’s face. “Is that really true?” he asked hopefully.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“Then that means…  Does it mean everything will be okay?”

“It will, we only need to finish what we came here to do in the first place.” The taller boy said as he turned to look at Pitou, who was finishing up with the healing of her arm.

“Right!” Gon beamed.

**|** |:

“Killua… Did we do well?”  The dark haired boy asked as he laid on the ground.

“Yeah, we did…” The other breathed out as he slowly turned to look at his friend. “Too bad we got this beaten up.” He gave a pained smile and the other let out a weak laugh.

“Hey, Killua…” Gon said softly as he looked the other in the eyes.

“Mm?”

“Can I hold your hand?”

“Sure…”

“You know, I feel really happy right now.” The hazel eyed boy smiled as he gently took Killua’s hand into his own and laced their fingers.

“Me too…” the blue eyed boy replied simply. Gon’s hand felt so warm.

“Could we rest here for a bit? I feel a little weak.” The shorter boy asked.

“Okay.” Killua felt a few tears rolling down his cheeks and landing on the ground. “I also feel a little tired…”

“Thank you…” Gon smiled again as he closed his eyes. “I’ll see you soon.”

“I’ll see you soon too.” The white haired boy closed his own eyes while he tenderly squeezed the other’s hand. He felt so peaceful.

_I think this is the first time this has happened.  The first time I’m together with him like this._

_Maybe this is how it was supposed to end?_

_If so, then I’m really happy._ Killua smiled softly as he felt himself drifting away.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**XXXX**

As Killua’s sleepy eyes focused on the view of his room again the boy shot up from his bed only to see the same old calendar hanging on the wall as if making fun of him. _No, please no…_

And again, it was the date before the hunter exam.

Killua felt his legs go weak as he slumped down on the floor. “Why..?” the boy muttered.

_Why did I even think that it could be over? How could I even hope for that?_

The white haired boy felt anger and desperation overcoming him as he clenched his hands in his hair and let out a forlorn scream. He didn’t care about anything anymore. What was the point? Everything he did was absolutely pointless. How could he even be this stupid? Killua felt the tears rolling down and the boy choked on his breath as he just kept screaming.

_Why do I even try?_

**|** |:

Eventually, Killua collected himself. His body moved on its own as the boy headed out of his house. He couldn’t even remember most of what he did or saw. When he got back to it, the blue eyed boy was already at the exam’s place, his feet bringing him there automatically, but he didn’t really pay that much attention to it.

_I guess it’s time to meet him again… Though really, what’s the point…_

_In the end, everything’s going to be the same._

Killua looked around the tunnel and caught a glimpse of the trio. Leorio and Kurapika were bickering about something and Gon had his back turned to him, looking around himself.

 _Alright…_ The white haired boy let out a sigh before composing himself. _Got to look normal and say hello once more._ He forced a smile and started heading towards the others.

As he slowly walked the boy saw Gon turning around and their eyes locking for a second before the shorter one’s eyes grew wide in surprise and the last thing Killua heard was an ear-piercing shout of his name before he got tackled to the ground.

“Killua, Killua, Killua…” was the only thing Gon kept mumbling as the boy hugged the other for dear life and the white head sat  on the ground, completely in shock as he couldn’t even move.

 _He… remembers me? He knows me..?_ The blue eyed boy kept blinking as his eyes began to sting a little. _But how? He never remembers anything._ _Is… is this a dream?_ The questions started running through his head, but after a few seconds of being entirely frozen Killua felt relief washing over him and the boy only shook his head before finally hugging back the other as tightly as he could. “Gon…” he let out a faint whisper.

“Killua, I’m so sorry.” The dark haired boy sobbed. “I’m so sorry… I never knew anything.”

“It’s not your fault.” The taller one reassured the other as more and more tears kept falling down his cheeks. “I’m the one who started all of this.”

“But still.” Gon shook his head. “I’m sorry for being so weak and stupid. I’m sorry for you having to do all of this on your own. I couldn’t even help you.”

“Gon, it’s okay.” Killua put one of his hands on the other’s head and slowly stroked his hair.

“Will-will you forgive me?”  The hazel eyed boy wrapped his arms around the taller one’s shoulders and nuzzled his cheek into the crook of Killua’s neck.

“I never blamed you for anything.”

After a few minutes both of them calmed down and the blue eyed boy raised his head, he saw that their little outburst had caught practically everyone’s attention, but as they noticed him looking, the other participants all turned away, unsure how to react to what they just saw, though it didn’t really matter to Killua. All that mattered to him was that Gon was beside him and somehow the other had remembered everything.

“But how did you remember?” The taller boy asked as he stood up.

“Actually, I never really knew anything until the moment I saw you.” Gon smiled sweetly. “It’s only that ever since I was little I always had these weird dreams. Dreams filled with a white haired boy, who always seemed so close to me. I kind of got obsessed with them.” The boy laughed as he scratched the back of his head and averted his gaze. “I thought that they meant something and I really wanted to meet the one who kept appearing in them. When I finally saw you everything came back like a burst dam. All of those lives and memories. All of those thoughts and unsaid words…” Gon’s face started to cringe again, but before he could say anything else, Killua took it in his arms gently and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

“It’s alright now. Everything’s alright now.” He muttered quietly.

“Ahh, I’m the one who’s supposed to do this.” Gon whined as he wrapped his arms around Killua again and placed his lips on the other’s. When he pulled back the boy made a silly grin. “We almost never got to do this.”

“You-you idiot…” The taller one felt a blush creeping up on his face.

“Come on, let’s go back to Leorio and Kurapika.” Gon spun on his heel, took Killua’s hand in his and skipped down to the other two. The taller males both had confused expressions, but as the two boys approached them, they simply smiled at them.

“So you found him?” Leorio asked softly.

“Uhum!” Gon nodded enthusiastically as Killua lowered his eyes. This was so embarrassing.

“We’re sorry for acting so weird.” The white haired boy tried to explain. “It must have been really strange to see all of that happen.”

“Well, Gon never said that he had actually known you. He just kept rambling how he wanted to meet the boy from his dreams.” Kurapika said a little uncertain.

“It’s a bit of a long story.” The white haired boy let out a sigh. “It could take a while to tell it.”

“But now we have all the time we need.” Gon smiled at him.

“Yeah, I guess we do.” Killua gave a smile of his own.

_We’ve got more than enough._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, thanks for sticking till the end. I hope you liked it~  
> I'm not sure if anyone's interested, but here's a little trivia that wasn't mentioned in the actual fic: Everytime when Gon died Killua would black out after a few seconds or minutes and begin a new loop. What Killua didn't know was that in the loops where he died, Gon would also black out the same way. In the end when Gon remembers everything he would have told him that eventually. Gon never remebered the loops except for some times just before his death, though that was rare, but he always had some nagging feeling about it.

**Author's Note:**

> So I want to apologize for any canon alterations. I tried to keep it similar, but considering the fact that Killua wouldn't remember everything he did, he's bound to say or do something different. That would affect what the other characters would do and so on. That said, the changes that are noticeable are intended and I'm really sorry if you don't fully agree with them... Some of the loops will be different worlds and in those character age, appearance or anything similar might change, so keep that in mind.


End file.
